Victory Favors the Fearless

Fear.

Again: It’s what’s holding you back from living the life you were born to live.

In previous books, Darrin recommends we check out Stan Beecham’s brilliant book, Elite Minds.

You know what Dr. Beecham tells us?

He tells us: “Fear is your real opponent. It’s all about fear. If you kill fear, you win. If you kill fear, you have your best year ever. If you kill fear, you train like a madman. If you kill fear, you go to college for free. If you kill fear, you stand on the podium, you get paid, and you have strangers walk up to you and call you by name. When fear dies, you begin to live.”

And: “Fear is keeping you from reaching your potential. Conquering fear should be your primary goal in life.”

Each of the seven fears gets its own chapter—brilliantly interwoven with seven rounds of our Hero’s championship fight. We’ll explore a few of my favorite Ideas in a moment.

At the end of the book, we get an affirmation to help us conquer each of the seven fears.

Here they are:

1) To deal with the fear of what other people think, we affirm:“I am listening to my heart and living my God-given purpose. I have the power to succeed.”

2) To deal with the fear of change, we affirm: “I seek victory by changing and growing.”

3) To deal with the fear of making the wrong decision, we affirm:“There is no such thing as certainty, I move forward by attacking, adapting, and learning as I go.”

4) To deal with the fear of missing out on something better, we affirm: “I am all in. I am moving forward with grit and perseverance. Success does not require shortcuts; success requires total commitment.”

5) To deal with the fear of not being good enough, we affirm: “I have the power to determine what I deserve. The bigger I dream and the harder I work, the higher I will climb.”

6) To deal with the fear of failure being permanent, we affirm: “Because I failed, I am stronger and wiser than ever before. Get up and keep fighting.”

7) To deal with the fear of being due for a setback, we affirm: “I am blessed, I am strong, I am protected by God. Great things are coming my way.”

Fear.

To recap: Darrin defines fear as “the strong, unpleasant emotion that expects something bad to happen.”Its antidote is FAITH, defined as“the strong, pleasant emotion that expects something GOOD to happen.”

Fear vs. Faith.

The ultimate showdown.

Navy SEAL Mark Divine wrote a whole book on the subject called Staring Down the Wolf.

He tells: “You may know that the analogy of the fear wolf comes from a Native American tale of a negative wolf that resides in the minds of humans. This wolf operates from fear, is hungry for drama, catastrophizes, and has incessant negative self-talk. But there is also a second, positive wolf residing in the heart. This one has an appetite for love and connection, is not addicted to drama, and is optimistic and focused on others.

The fear wolf fights for your attention and demands dominance. The courage wolf asks simply to be noticed, seeking some esteem-building food. According to the legend, the one that ultimately controls you is the one you feed the most.

If you constantly feed fear by thinking about the could-haves, the should-haves, the would-haves, and the can’ts in life—if you allow negative beliefs, attitudes, and conditioned behavior from whatever drama you experienced or stories you adopted—then the fear wolf gets stronger. Eventually he gets so strong that the courage wolf is left cowering, unable to fight back. However, you can stare that fear wolf down and refuse to feed it any longer. Starve it of that negative conditioning! Then you can feed the courage wolf a steady diet of good food, and lead with your heart and mind as equal partners.”

Mark also echoes the wisdom on the fact that most battles are won BEFORE they begin.

In Unbeatable Mind, he tells us: “I think by now I have made it clear that SEALs operate at an elite level because they learn to control their minds and establish the win internally before they enter the fight. This is the First Premise.”

How do we win this battle? SELF-TALK.

Darrin recommends we check out Shad Helmstetter’s book What to Say When You Talk to Yourself to learn more about how to master our self-talk. (So does Olympic gold medal winner and author of With Winning In Mind Lanny Bassham, btw.)

Here’s what Helmstetter tells us: “What is Self-Talk and how does it work? The definition of Self-Talk can be simply stated: Self-Talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions. Self-Talk is a practical way to live our lives by active intent rather than by passive acceptance.

With Self-Talk, we have a way to give new directions to our subconscious minds by talking to ourselves in a different way, consciously reprogramming our internal control centers with words and statements which are more effective, more helpful to every part of us that we would like to improve. The Self-Talk statements paint a new internal picture of ourselves as we would most like to be.”

Helmstetter also tells us: “If there were two of you, and one of you became a positive, productive Self-Talker, and the other did not, for whom would you cast your vote? I know which one I would vote for, every time.”

I’d bet on that positive self-talking version of you as well. How about you?

That’s wisdom from the chapter on the first fear: What others think of you.

Nietzsche, Pressfield, Paulo Coelho, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Brené Browncome to mind.

In Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Nietzsche tells us: “The higher you ascend, the smaller you appear to the eye of envy. But most of all they hate those who fly.”

Plus: “They punish you for all your virtues. They forgive you entirely—your mistakes.”

In The War of Art, Steven Pressfield tells us: “The professional learns to recognize envy-driven criticism and to take it for what it is: the supreme compliment. The critic hates most that which he would have done himself if he had the guts.”

Paulo Coelho blogged about the subject back in the day. He quoted John Grisham who told us: “Critics should find meaningful work.”

And, he shared this anonymous one that’s pretty good: “Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.”

In Self-Reliance, Ralph Waldo Emerson tells us:“What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness.”

Then there’s Brené Brown. In Daring Greatly, she tells us: “Going back to Roosevelt’s ‘Man in the Arena’ speech, I also learned that the people who love me, the people I really depend on, were never the critics who were pointing at me while I stumbled. They weren’t in the bleachers at all. They were with me in the arena. Fighting for me and with me.

Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands. The people who love me and will be there regardless of the outcome are within arm’s reach. This realization has changed everything.”

In other words: Ignore the critics. Trust thyself.

Conquer your fear. Do your best. Give us all you’ve got.

TODAY.

P.S. Who should we listen to? Darrin tells us: People we admire. And, I’ll add: Most importantly, listen to your DAIMON. As Darrin puts it, every time (!) you think of people who might be critical, immediately (!) ask yourself,“Am I giving my best? Am I becoming the best that I can be? Am I chasing my dream? If I am, then who cares what anyone else thinks?”

That’s from the chapter on the fear of making the wrong decision.

When we get caught up in this fear, we become indecisive and timid and weak. Darrin quotes Teddy Roosevelt who told us: “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Attack and adapt. Attack and adapt. Attack and adapt.

THAT’S how we deal with the fear of making the wrong decision.

I repeat:Attack and adapt. Attack and adapt. Attack and adapt.

Phil Stutz talks about something similar. He calls it “The Instinct Cycle.” He tells us that when we need to make a decision, we need to trust our INSTINCTS on what the right next step is. Then we need to DECIDE what we’re going to do. Then we need to take ACTION. Then we need to be prepared to accept the CONSEQUENCES of that decision. Then we REPEAT the process.

Phil says the best decision maker isn’t the one who makes the best decisions per se. It’s the one who makes the MOST decisions/the one who is willing to go through that cycle the most and the fastest. Which reminds me of the OODA loop.

You know what that is? As Wikipedia tells us: “The OODA loop is the cycle observe–orient–decide–act, developed by military strategist and United States Air Force Colonel John Boyd.”

It was originally developed by a fighter pilot for fighter pilots. It’s applicable to ALL OF US. The basic idea? The fighter pilot (or aspiring Hero!) who can go through the Observe-Orient-Decide-Act steps of the OODA loop the FASTEST is the one most likely to win.

Don’t be afraid of making the wrong decision.

Attack and adapt. Attack and adapt. Attack and adapt.

P.S. Gary Mack echoes this wisdom in Mind Gym where he tells us:“Doubts cause intellectual confusion. Doubts can be paralyzing. It is said that a person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself.

Confidence and trust are essential in every sport. Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax of the Dodgers said it is better to throw a poor pitch wholeheartedly than to throw the so-called right pitch with a feeling of doubt. ‘You’ve got to feel sure you’re doing the right thing. Sure that you want to throw the pitch that you’re going to throw.’

Today’s Dodgers’ ace, Kevin Brown, says that if you make a bad pitch aggressively you have a much better chance of getting away with it.”

There’s a big difference between confidence and arrogance.

As we discuss all.the.time, the word confidence comes from the Latin word confidere. It literally means “to have intense trust.” Intense trust in WHAT? That things will go perfectly? No. That’s absurd. Intense trust in the fact that it doesn’t matter what happens because YOU have intense trust in YOURSELF to respond powerfully to *whatever* life throws at you.

How do we develop THAT kind of intense trust? There’s only ONE way to do it. It’s the same way you build trust in ANY relationship. We need to do what we say we will do. Not once in a while and/or when we *feel* like it, but more and more consistently, all day, every day, ESPECIALLY when we don’t (insert that whiney voice again!) *feel* like it.

The arrogant person thinks they don’t need to work hard any more. They’ve made it. They’re exonerated from future challenges. We must know that that person is WEAK not strong.

The truly confident Hero KNOWS that they will never be exonerated from pain, uncertainty and hard work. We have the humility to know that TODAY is the day to get better so we have the strength for two. We ask: “Am I giving my best? Am I becoming the best that I can be?”

Here’s to conquering our fear and giving our absolute best to the world. Not someday. TODAY.

Day 1. All in. LET’S GO, HERO!