Everyday Enlightenment
The Twelve Gateways to Personal Growth
This is Dan Millman's magnum opus where he walks us through "The Twelve Gateways to Personal Growth" and in the Note we check out Big Ideas ranging from the importance of discovering our self-worth (and how to do so) to the fact that, although "Carpe diem!" sounds good, it's impossible to do. We can’t "Seize the day!" but we *can* "Seize the moment!" or , as Dan says: "Carpe punctum!"
Big Ideas
- Discover Your WorthThe 1st gateway.
- “St. Nike” Was RightJust do it.
- Desired & Undesired HabitsDesired & undesired.
- Carpe PunctumSeize the moment, yo!
- Daredevils Are Terrified, TooAre terrified, too.
- Pain & SufferingAre you resisting?
- Emotional Meteorology 101Emotional meteorology.
- Life Is a Series of MomentsIs a series of moments.
- Money & Everyday Enlightenment& Everyday enlightenment.
- Love Begins with YouSay the “I.“
- Serve Your WorldIn ways big and small.
“When people ask me abstract questions about time, or space, or reincarnation, I may respond by asking whether they exercise regularly, eat a wholesome diet, get enough sleep, show kindness to others, and remember to take a slow, deep breath on occasion—because it seems important to bring our spiritual quest down to earth. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with philosophical speculation. But let’s not mistake conceptual thought for the spiritual practice of everyday life. After all, what does it serve to know whether angels wear earrings if we can’t hold a regular job or maintain a long-term relationship? What good does it do to pray like a saint or meditate like a yogi if we are unchanged when we open our eyes? What good to attend a place of worship on Saturday or Sunday if we lack compassion on Monday?”
~ Dan Millman from Everyday Enlightenment
Dan Millman has easily been one of the biggest influences in my life.
I was given his book Way of the Peaceful Warrior almost exactly a decade ago when I was a 25-year old CEO running my first business (eteamz.com) during the dot com boom of the 90’s. The market had just crashed and we were about to go from 45 employees to 14 before selling the biz. Dan’s wisdom helped navigate that juncture of my life… and many since!
In fact, he was the first author I loved so much that I went out and read all of his stuff. Some of my favorites (that I think you’ll also dig) include: Way of the Peaceful Warrior and Everyday Enlightenment (of course), Body Mind Mastery (see Notes), The Life You Were Born to Live and Living on Purpose.
(Also, since that first read, Dan and I have gotten a chance to play some chess and share some great conversations and it’s been a pleasure to see a Peaceful Warrior in action in Everyday life. :)
A former world champion gymnast and coach at Stanford and UC Berkeley, he’s an awesome blend of East and West—with an unflinching focus on the PRACTICAL aspects of spirituality.
In Everyday Enlightenment, Dan explores what he calls the “Twelve Gateways to Personal Growth”: Discover Your Worth; Reclaim Your Will; Energize Your Body; Manage Your Money; Tame Your Mind; Trust Your Intuition; Accept Your Emotions; Face Your Fears; Illuminate Your Shadow; Embrace Your Sexuality; Awaken Your Heart; and, Serve Your World.
It’s a *great* book and I’m excited to share a few of my favorite Big Ideas!!!
Download MP3
Download PDFYou are not here to contact your highest self; you are here to become it.
Get the Book
Listen to the PodcastDiscover Your Worth
“Self-worth is not a thing; it is a perception. Just as a gymnast begins a routine with ten points and receives deductions for each mistake, so you began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.”
Amen.
Welcome to the 1st Gateway: Discover Your Worth.
As Dan so beautifully says: “It’s important to note that the most sensitive, self-reflective souls among us—those of us with the highest vision, ideals, and standards—often have the lowest sense of self-worth, because we constantly fail to meet our idealized standards. Maybe that’s why George Bernard Shaw once remarked that ‘the ignorant are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.’”
It’s so easy to beat ourselves up and then self-sabotage—limiting the amount of joy, creativity and abundance we experience in our lives.
This gateway is all about discovering the fact that: “You are no more or less worthy than any other person or part of reality. Your sense of worth grows by doing what is worthy. But you do not have to feel worthy; you need only treat yourself as you would a loved one or honored guest, ending self-destructive behaviors or cycles of self-sabotage, opening to life’s opportunities.”
It’s a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
“St. Nike” Was Right
“Everything is easier said than done. But no matter how intelligent or talented you are, only your actions shape your destiny. To fulfill the promise of the second gateway, you need to know, and act upon, only three magic words: Just do it.”
Love that. :)
The first gateway is “Discover Your Worth.” The second is “Reclaim Your Will.”
It’s easy to TALK about spiritual ideals, eh?
But, obviously, that means NOTHING if we don’t LIVE our truths.
So, what truth are you talking about a lot these days but not quite embodying?!? Now a good time to start living it? :)
Desired & Undesired Habits
“Make any positive behavior as convenient as possible. To break my habit of snacking in the evenings, I keep dental floss and a toothbrush in the downstairs bathroom near the kitchen. Right after dinner I floss and brush. I’m far less likely to snack, because if I eat something, I have to floss and brush all over again.
Make any negative behavior as inconvenient as possible. To smoke less, keep only one pack of cigarettes at home, in a small locked safe under some luggage in the closet in the garage. You might also put the television in that same closet, so you take it out only for special events, and use your old TV time writing that book, painting that picture, or learning a new language. In this way you replace old negative routines with new behaviors, pouring new energy into a new you.”
That. Is. Genius. (And funny. :)
SUPER simple—as all truly great ideas are. And SUPER powerful.
So, what’s the #1 positive habit you want to create in your life?
And, what’s the #1 negative habit you want to boot from your life?
Alright. Sweet.
Now, what can you do to make that positive habit *really* EASY to do?!?
And what can you do to make that negative habit *really* HARD to do?!?
I’m on sabbatical in Bali as I write this and the top positive habit I want to build and negative habit I want to say adios to are tied together.
By far my #1 positive habit I want to develop is to focus exclusively on my Top Priority for the day (at the moment that’s creating a Note) before I go online.
My #1 negative habit is/was checking my email/getting online before I’d rocked my top priority.
To make the positive habit convenient and the negative one inconvenient, I actually made sure the villa I moved to this month DIDN’T have Internet. If I want to go online I have to walk into town and go to an Internet cafe. And OMG. My productivity has SOARED!
(I think I’ll put the wireless modem in the closet or something and have to fetch it out/plug it in when I want to use it when I’m back in a place with Internet! :)
Back to you: What’re your top positive and negative habits?
How can you make the positive one REALLY easy to rock and the negative one REALLY hard to keep doing?
Master yourself—your habits and tendencies—and you can accomplish what you will.
Carpe Punctum
“Most of us have heard the saying ‘Carpe Diem’—Seize the day. A valuable reminder to live fully, but not a realistic idea, since you cannot seize the day. You can seize only the moment—this moment.
The quality of your moments produces the quality of your life. So, as thoughts come and go and the waves of mind rush on, Carpe punctum—Seize this moment. It deserves your full attention, for it will not pass your way again.”
I love that.
So much so that my passwords used to all be “punctum.” (Shhhhhh…. :)
Each moment dances by and gives us an opportunity to, as Abraham Maslow says, either step forward into growth or step back into safety. If we wanna fulfill that divine destiny of ours and live with consistent joy, we’ve gotta close the gap between what we’re capable of doing and what we’re actually doing.
We’ve gotta step forward into growth. Moment to moment to moment.
We’ve gotta Carpe punctum! So, get on that! Seize the moment!
When motivation lags, your willpower takes over. You use your will when you stop waiting to feel motivated. Life has always come down to this: The ripest fruit grows on the highest limbs of the tree of life. To pick the fruit you make the climb, step by step, day by day.
Daredevils Are Terrified, Too
“Dar Robinson, one of the greatest modern-day daredevils, was terrified—practically scared to death—with each and every stunt. His heart leaped from his chest; he had to consciously control his rapid breathing; he sweated, he trembled, just like the rest of us—then he did what he had set out to do. This is what you and I can do in everyday life.”
Imagine that.
One of the greatest daredevils out there still gets terrified with each and EVERY stunt. I’ve said it several times throughout these Notes but Tiger Woods has said the day he’s not nervous stepping up to the first tee is the day he quits.
*scratches head*
Hmmm… So maybe it’s OK for us to be afraid?
YES!
And then we need to do what needs to be done. :)
This is the essence of Dan’s “Eighth Gateway: Face Your Fears.” As he says: “Your major battles with fear are not outside you; they lurk inside, in the caverns of the psyche, in the arena of psychological survival and dark imaginings, where fear shape-shifts into subtle guises such as self-doubt, insecurity, lack of confidence, shyness, inhibition, timidity—a reluctance to assert, express, or even be yourself. Whatever form fear takes, your willingness to face it squarely will determine your fate in the high country of human potential.”
Are you feeling self-doubt, insecurity, a lack of confidence or any other sense of contraction that might be a “subtle guise” of fear?
Can you step back and see the fear that might be underneath those emotions?
And then, of course, have the courage to face it squarely?
Fear is a chameleon that can be a wise guide in one moment and a terrible tyrant the next. Respect fear, but never let it be your master. If physical danger is involved, listen well; if psychological danger challenges you, then do what you most fear—live as a peaceful warrior.
Pain & Suffering
“Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is. If your spouse or lover leaves you, the amount of stress or suffering each of you experiences depends upon the meanings each of you places on the event. If you believe it to be good, that you are now free, you suffer less; if you believe it is bad, that you are now alone, you suffer more. The only problem in your life is your mind’s resistance to life as it unfolds.”
This is a REALLY powerful statement—words echoed by ALL the great teachers: “The only problem in your life is your mind’s resistance to life as it unfolds.”
The moment we not only accept what is but alchemize it into something positive is the moment we’re truly free from suffering. Let’s see the positive aspect of *whatever* we’re experiencing. Look for the lesson in it. Act as if what’s happening is something you actually WANTED to have happen and watch your suffering evaporate.
What are you resisting in your life right now? Know that your suffering has NOTHING to do with the event itself. And EVERYTHING to do with your perception of it. And, of course, you can change your perception of it at any moment.
So… What’s a more empowered way you can look at that thing you’re resisting in your life?!? Now a good time to change your perception? :)
The mind... in itself, Can make a heav’n of hell, a hell of heaven.
Emotional Meteorology 101
“Of course, we don’t love painful feelings like anxiety or depression. We don’t have to love or even like them, but we do have to accept them, as difficult as that can seem at times. Emotions, no matter how painful they are, are not the problem. The problem is dropping out of school or work, putting your family or duties of life on hold until such time as you can work out your emotional issues. Would you rather feel depressed while sitting alone in your room trying to figure it all out or feel depressed while getting your house cleaned or your project completed? (You may still feel depressed, but you have a cleaner house.)
The heart of accepting your emotions (and, as you’ve seen, of reclaiming your will) is to do what you need to do despite what you are feeling. Accept and learn from your feelings, but don’t let them run your life. By remaining productive during difficult emotional episodes, you are more likely to improve your emotional state than if you do nothing but ruminate and wait for sunny skies.”
Dan’s big on viewing our emotions like clouds passing by. Just as we can’t control the weather, we can’t (directly) control our emotions. When we can accept whatever emotion we’re experiencing and then DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, we enter a different level of being.
As Dan says: “The most constructive way to influence your emotions is to do something.”
So, you feelin’ a little funky? Alright. It is what it is. Now, ask yourself, “Self, what needs to be done?” (Make sure you address yourself as “Self”—very important part of the process. :)
Then…
JUST DO IT.
(Check out the book and my Notes on Constructive Living for more on this Big Idea!!)
Accept emotions completely, let your feelings be; just don’t let them run your life.
Life without emotions would be as calm as death, like a world without weather. Accept feelings as they are; pleasant or painful, they are natural and don’t need fixing. Let them rise and pass without allowing changeable emotions to run your life.
Life Is a Series of Moments
“No one feels the same way all the time. Even if you are angry, depressed, crazy, afraid, or grieving, you’ll have moments when you are distracted. There are no enlightened people, no nice, bad, smart, neurotic, or stupid people, either—only people with more (or less) enlightened, nice, bad, smart, neurotic, or stupid moments.”
I love that.
There are NO enlightened people. There are just more or less enlightened moments. And, there are no nice, bad, crazy, smart people. Just nice, bad, crazy, smart, not-so-smart moments.
Life is lived in this moment. Let go of the past. Let go of any labels of who you are (or who someone else is) and just be present. And have fun making that present moment the highest expression of who you are. (Or not. You always have the next moment and the next and the… :)
Money & Everyday Enlightenment
“If you associate voluntary poverty with humility, goodness, and spirituality, then with what do you associate wealth? It is worth pondering, because what you believe about money will determine in large part your effectiveness in acquiring it.”
Amen. So, what do YOU believe about money?
As Dan says: “While the Western solution to managing money is to pursue it, the Eastern solution is to avoid it. Disillusioned with the outward drives of the Western world, some of us turn to Eastern spiritual philosophies and practices, confusing the idea of letting go of attachments with earthly goods… Giving everything up doesn’t mean giving everything away. Rather, it involves living a simple, functional, ordinary life without clinging, craving, or holding on.”
Part of a longer and important discussion we get into in various Notes on wealth (see Spiritual Economics, The Science of Getting Rich, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind and Rich Dad, Poor Dad for more), but let’s remember that money is neutral energy that we can use consciously as a means to circulate our values in the world—receiving energy/money as we give our gifts to the world and giving money as we consume products and services that support our growth and are resonant with our values.
It’s (obviously) REALLY important we don’t cut this energy off because, as Dan says: “If spiritual life begins on the ground, money forms a foundation on which to build.”
As you have seen, the emotion of love comes and goes like waves. Enduring love of the awakened heart is not a feeling but an action. Combining love and will, you walk the same path as the saints by showing loving-kindness to all other beings whether or not you feel like it.
Love Begins with You
“One of the strangest delusions believed by many of us is that it is good to love other people but bad to love yourself. I suggest that the more you are able to see, love, and accept the one facet of Spirit gazing at you from the mirror, the more you will be able to love Spirit within others. If we are the same awareness shining through a billion separate forms, then all love begins with self-love. For the heart to awaken, it cannot exclude a single soul, including yourself. If you do not love yourself, how can you find the space to love others?”
This comes from the 11th Gateway: Awaken Your Heart and reminds me of Louise Hay who, in her classic You Can Heal Your Life (see Notes), says: “When people come to me with a problem, I don’t care what it is—poor health, lack of money, unfulfilling relationships, or stifled creativity, there is only one thing I ever work on, and that is LOVING THE SELF.”
Dan tells us that this awakening of our hearts comes as a product of our evolution (hence, the preceding 10 Gateways and the importance of discovering our worth, reclaiming our will, taming our minds, etc.!).
Ayn Rand reminds us that in order to say “I love you” we must first be able to say the “I.” So, how can you accept yourself more in this moment and take the next step in awakening your heart and moving toward unconditional love and kindness?
When you have seen what there is to see, when life has revealed you to yourself as you are, your search becomes how best to serve. Life itself—your work, family, and every interaction—is a chance to serve, to connect, to find meaning in the moment and purpose in the play.
Serve Your World
“As you transcend your own limitations and tendencies, you will naturally show loving-kindness to others. As your own light shines more brightly, you illuminate the world.”
Each of the prior 11 gateways lead us to the 12th and final gateway: “Serve Your World.”
Dan asks us to “Find a form of service that calls to you, that suits your abilities, aptitudes, qualities, and interests, that makes time fly, that draws forth your best, that tells you you’ve arrived home and found yourself.” And he encourages us to find the little acts of kindness we can give to the world—from picking up a piece of trash (I still remember the time he picked up some trash while we were walking from my place to lunch over five years ago) and putting a quarter in an expired meter to offering a silent blessing to people you meet.
When we pay attention, we notice that every moment provides us with an opportunity to serve our world and to live with Everyday Enlightenment.
Here’s to gracefully walking thru the twelve gateways and, of course: Carpe punctum!
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