The Art of Possibility

Rosamund tells a great story about going on a river rafting trip. As they approached the starting point, their guide kept on telling them that if they ever got flipped out of the boat they need to think: “toes to nose!”

She thought the guide was being crazily redundant until… She fell out of the boat!!!

After thrashing around under water and not knowing which way was up, all the sudden “toes to nose” flashed through her head and, sure enough, as she did that, she found her way up and eventually into the boat.

That’s why I’m always repeating these same ideas: Consistency on your fundamentals! Rock your blissiplines! Step in between stimulus and response!

…

In short: Toes to nose!!!

As Rosamund brilliantly points out, when we get thrown out of the boat, it’s *really* hard to think our way out of trouble. We’ve gotta have a catch phrase or a set of practices we can go back to.

So, let’s groove in our best practices when we’re *in* the boat so, when we fall out of the boat (and we *all* do at times!), we know it’s all about “toes to nose!” :)

It’s all invented.

That’s the first chapter.

Point is simple: Life is determined by how we interpret things so… we might as well choose the most empowering interpretation, eh?!

Shakespeare tells us the same thing: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

And, well, so do ALL the great teachers!

Do YOU have a story you need to re-interpret?

Here’ an awesome practice the Zander’s recommend to help us rock it:

“A simple way to practice it’s all invented is to ask yourself this question:

What assumption am I making?
That I’m not aware I’m making,
That gives me what I see?

And when you have an answer to that question, ask yourself this one:

What might I now invent,
That I haven’t yet invented,
That would give me other choices?”

Giving an A.

This is the title for and focus of the third chapter.

As the Zanders tell us, “Giving an A” is a way of seeing the world and the people in it from a Michelangelo-esque perspective, where the beauty of their highest selves is recognized and honored. Less judgment and more commitment to helping people unleash the best within!

Let’s make that a practice today, shall we?

P.S. Don’t forget to give YOURSELF an A. Here’s to honoring your highest self and taking the next steps in removing the stuff that’s getting in the way of your Divine light shining more and more consistently! :)

Being a contribution. Welcome to the fourth chapter.

The Zanders echo the wisdom of the great sages and encourage us to shift from wondering how we can be successful to wondering how we can be a CONTRIBUTION.

The dominant question of this paradigm is simple and joyful: “How will I be a contribution today?”

Reminds me of Marcus Aurelius (see Notes on Meditations) who puts it this way: “Let your one delight and refreshment be to pass from one service to the community to another, with God ever in mind.”

So, how will you be a contribution today?! :)

Hah.

I’m smiling as I type this.

Rule #6 is chapter six.

Quick check in: Are you taking yourself a bit too seriously?

If so, how can you pay more attention to Rule #6? :)

(And, next time you find yourself getting all up in your stuff, remember Rule #6!! :)

Isn’t it fascinating how, once we buy a new car we suddenly see that make and model EVERY-WHERE?!

Why is that?

Quick science lesson: We’re constantly bombarded with trillions of stimuli—most of which never make it into our conscious awareness. (For example, you don’t feel your clothing on your upper thigh until I mention it to you.) A little part of our brains called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) filters all these stimuli and delivers a tiny fraction to our conscious mind.

Now, when we focus on something (like a new car, a strong emotion, etc.), we’re basically telling our RAS to search our environment and help us find more stuff like that—which is why, when we buy a new car, we suddenly see it everywhere.

What’s fascinating is that this applies to *everything* we focus on.

If we constantly think about how our life sucks or our boss is annoying, we’ll constantly find evidence supporting our position.

AND…

If we constantly focus on how awesome our lives are and all the blessings we have, we’ll constantly find evidence supporting THAT position.

So, what’s it gonna be for you? :)

P.S. Here’s how Marci Shimoff puts it in her great book Happy for No Reason (see Notes): “Have the intention to notice everything good that happens to you: any positive thought you have, anything you see, feel, taste, hear, or smell that brings you pleasure, a win you experience, a breakthrough in your understanding about something, an expression of your creativity—the list goes on and on. This intention activates the reticular activating system (RAS), a group of cells at the base of your brain stem responsible for sorting through the massive amounts of incoming information and bringing anything important to your attention. Have you ever bought a car and then suddenly started noticing the same make of car everywhere? It’s the RAS at work. Now you can use it to be happier. When you decide to look for the positive, your RAS makes sure that’s what you see.”

That’s genius.

I just love the idea of owning the risks we take in life and *refusing* to be a poor loser in a game we chose to play.

It hits on another theme we come back to again and again: Are we choosing to be Victims or Creators?

Are we, as David Emerald describes it in his great book The Power of TED* (see Notes), playing in the “Dreaded Drama Triangle” or are we playing in “The Empowerment Dynamic”?

As Emerald puts it: “One of the fundamental differences between the Victim Orientation and this one [Creator] is where you put your focus of attention… For Victims, the focus is always on what they don’t want: the problems that seem constantly to multiply in their lives. They don’t want the person, condition, or circumstance they consider their Persecutor, and they don’t want the fear that leads to fight, flee or freeze reactions, either. Creators, on the other hand, place their focus on what they do want. Doing this, Creators still face and solve problems in the course of creating outcomes they want, but their focus remains fixed on their ultimate vision.”

It also reminds me of Albert Ellis, the preeminent 20th century psychologist who helped bring us the modern cognitive behavioral therapy. He tells us that the ultimate source of neurosis is our habit of blaming. In his words (see Notes on A Guide to Rational Living): “We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming—or damning. If you would stop, really stop, damning yourself, others, and unkind conditions, you would find it almost impossible to upset yourself emotionally—about anything. Yes, anything.”

Are you blaming someone or some circumstance for how you’re feeling?

STOP doing that.

Let’s take back our power and live with the grace that comes from owning the risks we take!

Ah. More genius goodness.

This Great Idea is in the context of learning to exchange a “but” for an “and.” It’s brilliant.

Reminds me of Byron Katie’s Loving What Is (see Notes) where she tells us about the dangers or arguing with reality. How ‘bout a few gems?

First, know this: “The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.”

And, remember: “If you want reality to be different than what it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.” :)

Plus: “I realized that it’s insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.”

Hah. :)

In our Note on Loving What Is we touch on some of her Ideas on how we can learn to love what is. Check it for more goodness. For now, let’s practice the exchanging “but” for an “and” game.

When you say “but” you’re basically arguing with reality. Dropping in the “and” gives you a chance to take your power back, love what is and choose the most empowered response to any given situation.

What’s your but?