I Can If I Want To

One of the great virtues of this book is its incredible simplicity and directness.

Lazarus and Fay verysuccinctly map out the 20 most common mistakes that can ruin our lives, point out the faulty assumptions behind these mistakes and then tell us how to change our thinking and our behaviors to alleviate the problem.

Bam. Done.

It’s elegantly powerful.

Let’s take a quick look at the 20 most common mistakes that can ruin our lives.

Each of these mistakes (remember, those perspective are all MISTAKES! :) has a mini-chapter dedicated to solving it.

The chapters are micro short. And spot on.

If you struggle with some/many of those you might dig the book!!

Now, let’s take a quick look at some of the myths of change they challenge.

Those myths are worth re-reading.

Do you buy into any of them?

Quick re-cap of the myths stated in the positive:

Truth #1: We need to remember that “knowing” something intellectually isn’t sufficient to effect change. Theory is rudimentary. PRACTICE is the advanced stuff.

Truth#2: You don’t need to go on an archaeological dig into your past to understand precisely *why* you do certain things. You just need to identify what thoughts and behaviors aren’t working for you and fix them. (That’s a Big Idea.)

Truth#3: It doesn’t need to take a long time. Flip on the switch in a room that’s been dark for a long time and it gets light. We just need to identify what’s not working and fix them. Change can come rapidly if we make the right shifts.

Truth#4. Those changes can absolutely last if we continue practicing what works!

Truth#5. We can pretty much ALWAYS change. (That’s exciting!)

Truth#6. It’s never too late to change!!

You believe in your capacity to change?

Remember that your own confidence in yourself (aka self-efficacy) is THE driving force to optimization. Whether you think you can or think you can’t you’re right.

Let’s KNOW we can optimize and actualize!

This is good.

And, it’s the entire point of the whole book.

We need to understand our LOCUS OF CONTROL.

There are two choices.

We can have an INTERNAL locus of control. Or an EXTERNAL locus of control.

If we have an internallocus of control, we know that our happiness depends on what’s in our heads—not on what’s happening outside. Shift control to outside our heads and we have an externallocus of control.

Someone with an external locus of control incorrectly blames the neighbor’s barking dog for his unhappiness. But, of course, it’s not the dog barking that makes that person unhappy. It’s how they RESPOND to that bark. It’s what’s going on inside their head.

What’s REALLY exciting about this is the fact that once we move the locus of control inside, we can (finally!) notice all the ways we’ve been making ourselves miserable.

We can ask, “Exactly how do I upset myself?”

Then we can quit doing that. :)

Lazarus and Fay don’t subscribe to the idea that we should enter long, drawn out explorations of all the potential causes of our current challenges—all the dramas of our childhood and adolescence and life leading up to this moment that need to be talked about (ad nauseam) in order to affect change.

Nope.

They prefer to get to work now.

It’s kinda like the difference between going on a long archeological dig somewhere mysterious vs. heading to the local gym for a nice workout. :)

Again, understanding the potential reasons whywe may behave the way we do will always be less effective than simply changing the way we behave.

So, let’s focus where it matters and optimize our faulty thoughts and behaviors—leaving the digging and bone dusting to archaeologists as we bring our current existence to vibrant life!

Hah!

Have you been trying to grow wings? :)

Although we’re all about stretching our potential in our work together, we want to avoid Mistake #2: Try to be good at everything.

The fact is we simply CAN’T be great at everything. Period.

In fact, we’re lucky if we’re really good at one or two things. The trick is to be OK with *not* being good at most things as we take an honest appraisal of what we DO have natural talents in that we can cultivate with deliberate practice.

The really Big Idea here has nothing to do with big picture dreams. It has everything to do with the fact that we ABSOLUTELY have the power to change our attitudes and behaviors that make us miserable. And that’s extraordinarilypowerful!

We can if we want to. Let’s!

That’s worth a re-read: “The tendency to engage in excessive avoidance is probably the most obvious sign of ‘neurotic’ behavior.

Remember the Pain Paradox from Rory Vaden’s Take the Stairs (see Notes): Which brings us to the Pain Paradox of decision making that states the short-term easy leads to the long-term difficult, while the short-term difficult leads to the long-term easy. The great paradox is that what we thought was the easy, what looks like the easy, what seems like the easy way very often leads us to creating a life that couldn’t be more opposite of easy. And inversely the things that we thought were most difficult, the challenges that appear to be the toughest, and the requirements that seem most rigorous are the very activities that lead us to the life of easy that we all want.”

Are you avoiding anything these days?

What’s a little thing you can tackle right now?

And, the next time you feel the avoidance gremlin cruising in, how about we let him know who’s in charge?

Amen. Amen. Amen.

I’m repeating myself here (and everywhere) but let’s remember: There’s a BIG difference between understandingsomething intellectually and CHANGING WHAT WE DO!

When you study this stuff, do you just read it or do you actively try to apply the Ideas to your life?

What’s the Biggest Idea you’ve just loved but haven’t really worked at making a part of your life.

Let’s slow down and capture it.

This is the Biggest, Coolest, Most Empowering Idea I’ve discovered lately but haven’t applied:

__________________________________________________________________

Fantastic.

NOW a good time to start LIVING that Idea?

Fantastic x 2.