In our last +1, we talked about mastering Ownish and noticing when we slip into Victimese. (We also talked about going all in and mastering the dialect of Extreme Ownish—which, I’m told, is where it’s REALLY at. 🤓)
Today we’re going to talk about one of the things Victims dread the most.
It’s a very short word.
N + O.
As in “No.”
I can vividly remember Steve teaching me this lesson he so perfectly captures in Reinventing Yourself. Here’s how he puts it: “An owner is not afraid to make a request. That’s why owners do so well in sales and courtship.
Victims fear the word no and will do amazing things to avoid ever hearing it. To a victim, ‘no’ means rejection. Total, devastating rejection. ‘No’ doesn’t just sound like ‘no’ to the victim, it sounds like, ‘No, no, NO, you are NOT WORTH ANYTHING!’
But to an owner, ‘no’ is simply the other side of ‘yes.’ ‘No’ and ‘yes’ live together. Every human being has a perfect right to say either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and this does not bother an owner. An owner honors that right. Therefore, when owners hear ‘no,’ they don’t think something is wrong with the universe. They don’t conclude that life is unfair. They move right on to their next request. Life is requests and promises.
Victims spend the better part of their lives trying to avoid hearing the word ‘no,’ because they’ve made it mean rejection—total, thorough, and personal—rejection. It is little wonder they want to avoid it whenever possible. The trouble is that by avoiding ‘no,’ they also avoid ‘yes.’ The two go together. They live together.
The primary reason that people don’t get what they want in life is that they are afraid to ask for it. Afraid of the rejection they have made ‘no’ to mean to themselves.”
So… Yes and no live together. In fact, as Steve told me: “Yes lives in the land of no.”
Let’s visualize that for a moment.
Draw a big circle on a piece of paper. Then a little circle inside the big one.
The big circle? That’s the land of “No.” That little circle? That’s the “Yes.” Very important thing to notice: The “Yes” lives within the land of “No.”
Therefore, Cap’n Obvious echo here: Let’s remember that if we want to get to Yes we MUST be willing to go through the land of No. Want success? We must be willing to experience failure.
Practically speaking, what big “YES!” are you hoping to get from life?
Got it? Awesome. Now, lace up your hiking shoes (I highly recommend Vivobarefoot ;) and start your trek through the land of No.
See you at the Yes Oasis!
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