Positive Addiction

Glasser’s an intense guy. Although he’s sensitive to the fact that we all face challenges and that none of us are immune to moments of weakness, he remains steadfast in his commitment to our power to CHOOSE the stronger response and thereby create more of all the good things we want in our lives.

To fail to recognize the choices we are making that lead to our happiness or our depression is to give up our power. And that’s never a good idea. :)

Positive addiction, he believes, is a key way for us to build the strength we need to face the challenges of our lives and our world! So, what’s a positive addict?

Sweet. There’s our definition of a positive addict: stronger, confident, happier, healthier. Me likes. We’ll get to some more detail on the how’s/why’s of their positive addictions, for now, let’s explore the roots of a *negative* addiction.

Glasser tells us that finding happiness involves knowing what to do, how to do it and, most importantly, the STRENGTH to get it done.

How about y0u? If you find yourself “weeping and wailing” about not knowing what to do or how to do it, check in and see if the *real* issue is whether you have the strength to do it!! Powerful, powerful, powerful (!!!) stuff. (While we’re here, let’s check in on your deepest drives/desires. :)

If I knew I was *absolutely guaranteed* to succeed, I would do this:

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And, a la Deepak’s two potent questions for discovering our dharma: If I had all the money and all the time in the world, I would do this:

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(No rush… We’ll wait while you complete those questions. :)

From there, Glasser goes on to talk about the psychology of strength and weakness—establishing the fact that, in his opinion, negative addictions are born out of weakness that results in the “Three Choices of the Weak” that, in turn, lead to negative addictions.

So, here’s the process: Step one: life gives you pain.

In response to that pain, here’s how it goes for the weak:

*ALL* the great teachers tell us to master ourselves and many refer to pain as nothing more than a sign we have purifying to do. As Glasser tells us here, pain is there to let us know what’s wrong.

If we don’t have the strength to deal with the pain and take action to relieve it by improving ourselves, we’re going to still have the pain. Right? Then what? According to Glasser: “If we haven’t enough strength we attempt to reduce our suffering by partially giving up.”

So, if we aren’t strong enough to deal with the pain by taking effective action, we give up. That “giving up” is the first of three choices of the weak. (Which, of course, ALL of us are at times.)

For example, let’s say you hate your job. The purpose of your misery is to get you to seek something (a new/altered job in this case) that will make you happier. If you ignore the pain and don’t take the action (altering your current job so it’s more groovy, looking for a new job, starting your own business you’ve always wanted to create, etc.), you make the first choice in the negative addiction process: you’re GIVING UP. That leads to:

Now, importantly, when you choose to give up, the pain didn’t go away. It’s still there. So, we move into the second choice: symptoms appear. These symptoms might be as subtle as a headache or as drastic as suicidal depression. In any case, they are SYMPTOMS of a deeper issue—the fact that you CHOSE to give up.

Now, of course, we aren’t strong enough to acknowledge the fact that we gave up, so we hide behind our symptoms and complain to whoever will listen. (Again, we’ve *all* done this at times!) Then what?

Wow. That’s strong.

So, we’ve had the introduction of pain into our lives, Choice #1 of giving up (and not facing our pain head on), Choice #2 of symptoms (tension, headaches, depression, etc.) and then Choice #3 of behavior to reduce the pain that leads to a negative addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling, whatever).

A couple of other interesting things to note here.

First, remember: “Typically a negative addict is a person who is severely frustrated in his own particular search for love and worth.”

And, the reason why addiction occurs: “It is this peculiar, unique combination of pain relief first and then, quickly, a ‘rush’ of pleasure that is necessary for an addiction.”

… Alrighty. That’s a *really* quick look at the three dangerous choices of the weak that lead to addiction.

Let’s take a quick look at a couple of the symptoms of Choice #2: depression and headaches, and then move into how we can create POSITIVE ADDICTIONS to build strength in our lives.

Those are some more powerful words. (Me likes! :)

Per Glasser’s web site: “Dr. Glasser’s approach is non-traditional. He does not believe in the concept of mental illness unless there is something organically wrong with the brain that can be confirmed by a pathologist.”

“So you’re saying my depression’s a choice?”

Well, unless you are one of the few with something organically wrong with your brain, yah. Your/my/everyone’s depression is a choice. (See Choice #1 above.)

Now, on one hand, it’s tough to hear that.

On the other hand, it’s INCREDIBLY powerful because if we CHOSE our initially weak response that led to unpleasant symptoms, we can CHOOSE a NEW, BETTER, STRONGER response that leads to “symptoms” of joy, empowerment and all such goodness.

“What about my headache?”

Sorry to break it to you, but, um, yah. That’s a choice, too.

As Glasser so briliantly says: “Few doctors will say, ‘Look, your headaches are caused by inadequacy; take some aspirin and then go and find some more love and do something more worthwhile.’” (hehe. :)

Glasser also says: “Depression, no more than acting out, does not come from the outside. We don’t catch it like chicken pox. It is out of our weakness that we choose to be depressed because we have discovered that not making this choice is even more painful.”

All this talk about depression as a choice reminds me of Tony Robbins who is adamant that we “do depression” (rather than somehow being passive victims to it).

I vividly remember him working with a woman at an event I attended demonstrating how a shift in her physical posture/mannerisms directly and immediately altered her psychological state. She went from deep hopelessness and its associated physical attributes to a state of enthusiasm and appreciation for life and *its* associated physical attributes. Powerful.

David Reynolds, another psychologist and author (Dan Millman is a *huge* fan of his work—which is how I got introduced to his ideas), captures it perfectly in Constructive Living (see Notes) where he says: “Depression can be created by sitting slouched in a chair, shoulders hunched, head hanging down. Repeat these words over and over: ‘There’s nothing anybody can do. No one can help me. I’m helpless. I give up.’ Shake your head, sigh, cry. In general, act depressed and the genuine feeling will follow in time… Feelings follow behavior.”

Hah. Love that. Now, as I said, the good news here is that once we stop arguing for our limitations, we can do something about it. We can make better choices. Remember: “No one is so inadequate that he cannot help himself to some degree. Not only can he, but he must; nothing else will work.”

… That’s a pretty intense look at the consequences of weakness. Glasser dedicated his life to helping people develop STRENGTH to deal with life’s challenges so let’s turn to:

—> “They face reality now.”

THAT’s what strength is all about. The belief in ourselves and the strength to stand in the face of a challenge and not choose to give up.

So, spotlight on you: What are you avoiding in your life?

If you’re suffering, is it possible that first choice of weakness (giving up) is leading to the second (symptoms like depression/headaches/etc.)?

Check in on that!

Now, to a quick look at the characteristics and benefits of a Positive Addiction in your life—one of the key ways to build our strength!

So, it’s gotta be noncompetitive, easy for you, something you can do alone, that you believe has value, that you can improve at and it MUST be something you can do without criticizing yourself.

Why?

Because when you get into this “zone” for at least around an hour a day, you’re brain is able to do some fantastic stuff. In Glasser’s words: “It is the spinning-free, mentally relaxed PA state that provides an extremely optimal condition for our brains to grow.”

When we’re in that state, Glasser says something magical happens: “It also seems obvious that strength breeds strength, and as the pathways in their brains increase they probably do so at least geometrically, maybe even to a higher degree. Two pathways become four, four become sixteen, sixteen become two hundred and fifty-six. The more they have, the more they get.”

This is powerful.

Strength breeds strength. The better it gets, the better it gets!

Mental strength. Me likes!

As I write this, I’m 200+ days into building my Positive Addiction on meditation. I spend an hour first thing every morning and I’ll *definitely* be doing this for the foreseeable future.

I’m already feeling tremendous gains, including a deeper sense of confidence, and I attribute it to two things: first, there’s no doubt my brain is re-wiring itself as I spend more time in the “PA” flow state (see my Notes on Thresholds of the Mind for a deeper discussion on what’s going on when we meditate/get into the PA state); and second, it feels REALLY good to do what we KNOW is consistent with our Highest Self. :)

So, what positive addiction are you gonna build?!?

As Glasser says, we ALL need all the strength we can get!

So, in what activity would you like to/are you trying to build a positive addiction? :)