#433 Unilaterality

Think: Extreme Ownership Relationship Style

The other day Phil Stutz and I were having another great coaching session.

Side note: My stack of notes from our chats is getting so thick that I’m starting to think I need to write a book called “Mondays with Phil.” (Hah. Seriously.)

So, in this particular chat, we’re talking about how to Optimize my relationship with Alexandra and Phil tells me about what he calls “unilaterality.”

Short story: When you decide to take action without looking to what the other person is doing and/or waiting for someone else to do something before you do it, that’s called a “unilateral” action.

And, that’s SUPER important for any (and all) relationships.

Decide what the right thing to do is. Then do it.


That’s unilaterality.

I told Phil it reminds me of the NAVY Seal wisdom of “Extreme Ownership” a la Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Same basic idea. You take EXTREME (!) Ownership. No complaining. No blaming. No excuses. Ever.

You do the right thing because it’s the right thing. Period.

That’s unilaterality.

That’s how you make a relationship work.

And, that’s Today’s +1.

Think of one of your most important relationships. (Got it?)

Now, think of one little thing you KNOW you could be doing. (Got it?)

Now do it.

Do it without waiting for the other person to do something or doing it expecting some sort of return.

Remember: Unilaterality.

btw: When I interviewed Leif Babin and we chatted about Extreme Ownership as applied to relationships he laughed and said something along the lines of, “Yep. Chat with my wife. Applying this to your intimate relationships is the hardest thing.”

Indeed it is.


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