Hi, this is Brian.
Welcome back to another Areté +1°, a micro-chapter from Areté: Activate Your Heroic Potential.
451 of my all-time favorite big ideas, including this one…
REPAIRING RELATIONSHIPS
A KEY PRACTICE FOR OPTIMIZING THE LOVE IN OUR LIVES
Leading mindfulness (and neuroscience and relationship) expert Dan Siegel tells us that when something inevitably goes wrong in a relationship we want to REPAIR it as quickly as we can.
One of the examples he uses to make his point is a story about a time when he, Mr. Mindfulness, “flipped his lid,” turning off his prefrontal cortex and going full limbic-brain, yelling at one of his kids.
I laughed as I typed that as (a) It’s always refreshing to see a world-class teacher and practitioner humbly reminding us that no one is perfect and (b) I very much know the feeling as the father of very energetic ten and six-year-olds.
So, we have an interaction that we’re not proud of.
Then what?
Then, you REPAIR the relationship as quickly as you can.
Something like: “Wow. I got really impatient / loud / fill-in-the-blank. I flipped my lid! I want you to know I’m sorry and that I love you and that I’m committed to getting a little better at handling those challenging moments in the future.”
* insert potential hug *
We don’t want those little micro-moments of negativity to stew into jumbo-resentments and unhealthy cauldrons of ick.
Take a deep breath. Drop into your heart. Label the emotion. Dan says: name it to tame it.
Use whatever tool you need to as you regain your equanimity. And then repair.
+1° check in…
Any repairs waiting for you?
Get on that.
NOW.
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