Introvert Power

To re-cap: In the most simple terms, introversion is an inward orientation to life while extroversion is an outward orientation.

As Dr. Helgoe points out, introverts gain energy by reflecting and expend energy while interacting. Extroverts experience the opposite: gaining energy interacting while expending it reflecting.

That’s a really important distinction.

Altho, according to the Myers-Briggs test, the majority of Americans are actually introverted (did you know that?!), our society is heavily skewed toward valuing the qualities of an extrovert—being super social, and outward facing. It’s as if something is wrong with those who value solitude and quiet.

More from Dr. Helgoe: “We tend to see ourselves as introverted OR extroverted, rather than as a creative, evolving combination of the two. It is this dynamism that makes introversion relevant to all of us. Whether the scale tips in the I direction and you call yourself an introvert, or you load up on the side of E, every one of us has some capacity for introversion. When a culture devalues these qualities, we are all reduced.”

As we integrate our whole selves, it’s super (!) important to get clear on what fills us up.

Which leads us to the next Idea. We want to be psychologically patriotic…

Psychologically patriotic.

Defined as: Those who are glad to be what they are.

Wow. I love that. Are you psychologically patriotic? Or have you committed treason against yourself?

Vernon Howard has some great wisdom here as well. Check out the Notes on The Power of Your Supermind where he tells us: “The genuinely spiritual person is one who has lost all desire to be anyone but exactly who he is, without labels and without apologies. He is what he is and that’s all there’s is to it. Such a man is undivided, uncomplicated and contented.”

He also tells us: “How true are you to yourself? That is the degree of your contentment.”

Emerson echoes this wisdom, reminding us: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Finally, remember what Dr. Helgoe tells us: “Your nature is not the problem. The problem is that you have become alienated from your nature—from your power source.”

Let’s stay plugged in to our power source and stay patriotically true to ourselves, shall we?

So how do we become more psychologically patriotic? By building introvert integrity.

How do we do that? The same way we cultivate any skill we value: PRACTICE.

Then more practice. Practice. And more practice.

Yin and yang.

Ideally, we want and need both.

Harmonized in balance with our essence.

But, in a culture that, for the most part rejects the yin of introversion, how do we best go about doing that?

Consider this wisdom from Dr. Helgoe: “For these introverts, what is needed is not a move toward extroversion, but as a friend of mine put it, an opportunity to “melt into introversion.” This book is not about finding balance—we are really tired of doing that! Besides, finding balance assumes that we have been allowed to be fully introverted. We have not. This book is about embracing the power of introversion. It’s about indulging, melting into, drinking in, immersing ourselves in the joy, the genius, and the power of who we naturally are—and not just on the occasional retreat, but in the living of our lives. Ironically, balance will only come to us if we forget about extroversion for awhile, and balance will only come to our society when we see and respect the introversion in all of us.”

Me likes.

So, the balance will come. But only *after* we fully allow ourselves to own the disintegrated introverted side of ourselves.

Let’s get on that. :)

P.S. As we “balance” let’s remember that, as Osho advises, balance is a verb not a noun. It’s “BALANCING.” Not “balanced.”

As much as we may want to find that place where we’re finally, once-and-for-all “balanced,” it’s just not gonna happen like that. We’re more like a tight tope walker. Here’s Osho’s eloquent prose on the subject: “To be in the middle is not a static state, it is a dynamic phenomenon. Balance is not a noun, it is a verb; it is balancing. The tightrope-walker continuously moves from the left to the right, from the right to the left. When he feels now he has moved too much to one side and there is danger of falling, he immediately balances himself by moving to the opposite side. In passing from the left to the right, yes, there is a moment when the tightrope-walker is in the middle. And again, when he has moved too much to the right and there is a fear of falling, he is losing balance, he starts moving to the left and again passes through the middle for a moment.”

Hah.

So good. And frightening! :)

Have you ever stopped to consider just how we communicate about time?

I love the way Tal Ben-Shahar puts it in his great book, Happier (see Notes), where he tells us: “My wife, Tami, and I often help each other set goals for ourselves—personal as well as joint ones. A few years ago, as I was talking about setting a deadline for one of the goals, she pointed out to me that because self-concordant goals inspire—literally, can put the spirit in us—it would be more appropriate to speak of lifelines. Similarly, when in pursuit of goals that are both pleasurable and meaningful, that yield both present and future benefit, we are enlivening time rather than killing time.”

Well there’s a shift, eh?

Deadlines —> Lifelines

Killing time —> Enlivening time

Here’s another way Helgoe puts it: “What if we called the target date the “birth time” instead? Birthing happens when the project—the baby—is ready. Most of the work happens inside, naturally. The pressure builds until that little life has to come out. But, as opposed to a deadline, the pressure is internal. A terrified woman in the throes of labor may want to call the whole thing off, but the creative process takes over, and she is soon looking into the eyes of a completely new human being.”

Birth time.

That’s fantastic.

Next time you hear yourself saying anything violent about time, how about you stop and choose a more empowering perspective and word choice? :)

Here’s to enlivening time with inspiring lifelines/birth times!

Hah!

Isn’t it more than a little weird that we’re never taught solitude skills? Seriously.

Joseph Campbell would agree. Here’s his advice (see Notes on The Power of Myth): “This is an absolute necessity for anybody today. You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers this morning, you don’t know who your friends are, you don’t know what you owe anybody, you don’t know what anybody owes you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you might find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen.”

Back to Dr. Helgoe: “A regular daily retreat, or Daily Ritual, is a cleansing practice you incorporate into each day, such as meditation or silent reflection, a leisurely walk, or writing in a journal. If the ritual involves an activity, the purpose is not to further a goal, but to open up reflective space. When you work a retreat into your daily routine, it becomes an anchor for your introversion, assuring you that you will indeed have time to yourself—today.”

How about you?

What are your solitude practices? How can you dial them in?

For me, the core is my AM rituals.

These days, that’s getting up super early before everyone else (that requires rockin’ my *PM* rituals of a digital sunset and early bed time), meditating for 20 minutes, doing a few minutes of yoga and then diving into a new Note. Plus a lot of reading time, little to no email/online time and goodness like that.

You?

Here’s another way:

Busy? Feeling a little overwhelmed?

Take a breath retreat.

Science agrees.

Here’s how Kelly McGonigal puts it in her great book, The Willpower Instinct (see Notes): “You won’t find many quick fixes in this book, but there is one way to immediately boost willpower: Slow your breathing down to four to six breaths per minute. That’s ten to fifteen seconds per breath—slower than you normally breathe, but not difficult with a little bit of practice and patience. Slowing the breath down activates the prefrontal cortex and increases heart rate variability, which helps shift the brain and body from a state of stress to self-control mode. A few minutes of this technique will make you feel calm, in control, and capable of handling cravings or challenges.”

… Deep inhale to a count of 4….

… Exhale to a count of 6…

Repeat…

Ahhhhh…

That. Is. Awesome.

Alexandra and I recently received an invitation to a New Year’s (pajama-themed) party from a wonderful, extroverted couple. The party was rockin’ with planned activities from dinner thru midnight and all the way to 1 or 2 am. I laughingly let my friend know that we’d be in bed by 7:30pm—right around the time they handed out awards for best PJs. :)

Seriously. Our idea of a party was a day of great chats about the coming year, an early dinner, our normal bed time routines with Emerson including our family walk followed by our early bed time and a super early, refreshed rise on New Year’s Day.

What’s YOUR idea of a party?