In our last +1, we hung out with Jon Gottman and learned that successful marriages feature partners responding to one another’s bids. (Did you do your quick, napkin Relationship Bid Math?)
I also promised that I’d keep coming back to technology as the major obstacle to being effective in our relationships.
Jon Gottman (I repeat: One of THE world’s leading experts on the SCIENCE of effective marriages) agrees.
He tells us: “In some cases, constantly checking e-mails, postings, tweets, and text messages can lead to a sort of addiction in which distraction itself becomes a habit. In his book The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, Nicholas Carr documents research that indicates self-distraction has become a permanent, unconscious habit for many people. … The old cliche of the husband who hides behind the newspaper has been replaced by the spouse of either gender who is tapping out texts, scanning social media, or engrossed in one of those irresistible cell-phone games.”
One more time: One of the best ways to wind up on the wrong side of that bid math is to act like a tech rat constantly plugged into our digital stimulation.
Let’s PUT DOWN OUR SMARTPHONES and engage with our loved ones.
P.S. Check out our Notes on Carr’s The Shallows for more (and Conquering Digital Addiction 101 and Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism 101 and our Notes on Digital Minimalism)… and remember the iPhone effect!! Simply having your smartphone in sight diminishes the quality of any interaction. So… smartphone begone!