Your Erroneous Zones

If you’ve read any of Wayne Dyer’s books, you know that one of his primary messages is: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

If we intend to take charge of ourselves and change our lives by changing the way we look at things, we can’t do so casually.

We can’t just try on some new thoughts for size. We’ve gotta have the determination to be happy and then “challenge and destroy each and every thought that creates self-mobilizing unhappiness” for us.

So, what thoughts do you KNOW aren’t serving you? Now a good time to destroy ‘em?

Self-reliance.

It’s perhaps THE key message of the book. Dyer and I are both *huge* fans of Ralph Waldo Emerson and his essay, Self-Reliance. Magical mojo. (Check out my Notes!)

In Self-Reliance, Emerson says: “And truly it demands something godlike in him who cast off the common motives of humanity and ventured to trust himself for a taskmaster.”

And reminds us: “God will not have his work made manifest by cowards.”

How’s your self-reliance?

“Other-worth.” That’s classic. :)

Do you depend on others for your sense of worth? Please stop doing that!!!

We talk about this theme a lot because ALL the great teachers tell us how important it is to remain independent of the good or bad opinion of others.

Seneca comes to mind here (see Notes on Letters from a Stoic). He says: “Away with the world’s opinion of you—it’s always unsettled and divided.”

Just yesterday I was reminded of this wisdom when I got an email from some random guy telling me how much he dislikes my Notes and how I should quit sharing my opinions because, I quote: “No one cares what you think.”

Hah. Sweet. Thanks, dood! :)

Thankfully, in addition to a clear commitment to my work/style, I’ve received hundreds of emails from people telling me how much my energy and personal voice has inspired them to transform their lives and I’ve learned to see that someone’s criticism (or praise) is just a projection of what’s going on with them, so I’m less attached to other people’s opinions of me. The really funny part is that on the same day I got a few other messages from peeps saying how much they liked the particular Note that he found so lame.

Alas: “Away with the world’s opinion of you—it’s always unsettled and divided.”

And ,Samuel Goldwyn says: “Don’t pay any attention to the critics. Don’t even ignore them.”

How ‘bout you? Are you getting caught up worrying too much about what others think of you?!? Step back and realize that we simply CAN’T please everyone all the time and if we structure our lives attempting to do that, we’re in trouble. We’ve gotta find that inner sense of self-worth that’s TOTALLY independent of the good or bad opinions of others!!

So, let’s notice when we feel tempted to trade our “self-worth” for “other-worth,” eh?!? :)

Worry. It qualifies as one of *the* lamest things we can do. :)

Dyer says this: “If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.”

Hah. Reminds me of Gay Hendricks’ wisdom from his book, The Big Leap (see Notes) where tells us that worry is one of the key ways we sabotage ourselves and create artificial “upper limits” to our highest potential enjoyment in life.

He says: “Worrying is usually a sign that we’re Upper-Limiting. It is usually not a sign that we’re thinking about something useful. The crucial sign that we’re worrying unnecessarily is when we’re worrying about something we have no control over. Worrying is useful only if it concerns a topic we can actually do something about, and if it leads to our taking positive action right away. All other worry is just Upper Limit noise, designed by our unconscious to keep us safely within our Zone of Excellence or Zone of Competence.”

The question is simple: Can you do something about whatever it is you’re worrying about? If you can, do it. If you can’t do anything about it, know that WORRYING about it is a complete and utter waste of time!! Accept what is and then take the next most constructive action you can!

So… Are YOU working out your worry muscles at the moment? Can you do anything about what’s stressing you out? If so, ROCK IT. You’ll feel sooooo much better the moment you take action!! If you can’t do anything about it, can you step back and see the bigger picture, accepting what is and alchemizing it into the most positive experience you can—perhaps by seeing the lesson in it or recognizing that yes, that part of your life sucks but you only notice it so much because so many OTHER areas are awesome?!? (Sweet. :)

As Dyer says: “Begin to view your present moments as times to live, rather than to obsess about the future. When you catch yourself worrying, ask yourself, ‘What am I avoiding now by using up this moment with worry?’ Then begin to attack whatever it is you’re avoiding. The best antidote to worry is action.”

Guilt.

It’s a waste of emotional energy. Last time I checked, you can’t change the past so wasting energy being guilty doesn’t do a whole lot, eh?

In The Diamond Cutter (see Notes on the book by Geshe Michael Roach in which he applies the classic Tibetan sutra by the same name to the creation of his diamond business), we learned: “There’s no word in Tibetan for ‘guilty.’ The closest thing is ‘intelligent regret that decides to do things differently.’”

Imagine that! They don’t even HAVE a word for “guilt” in Tibetan!!

The closest thing is “intelligent regret that decides to do things differently.”

Got something you’re feeling guilty about? Let’s swap it out with intelligent regret and (joyfully!) decide to do things differently next time. :)

Have you convinced yourself that something is beyond your potential?!?

Check in on that. Cuz, if you *really* want to experience it, it’s not. Of course, achieving anything takes not only the knowing we can, but also the diligence, patience and persistence to bring it to life in the face of all the evidence it’s impossible. And, ultimately, as Henry Ford says: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Are you venturing into territory where you don’t have any guarantees?!? Stay strong. Believe in yourself and take consistent, bold action in line with your deep belief in yourself!

Reminds me Eric Butterworth’s mojo in his GREAT book Spiritual Economics (see Notes). He says: “The word secure comes from two small Latin words: se meaning ‘without’ and cure meaning ‘care’—being without care, freedom from anxiety. Victor Hugo articulates this very special sense in this lovely couplet:

‘Be like the bird
That pausing in her flight
While on boughs too slight,
Feels them give way
Beneath her, and yet sings,
Knowing she hath wings.’”

Dyer also says: “Only the insecure strive for security.”

How do we get that belief in our inner strength?

One of the keys: We need to be in integrity with our highest values.

When we consistently do the things that align with our highest vision of ourselves—whether it’s getting up early to meditate or to exercise or to read or whatever—we build a deep level of self-trust that creates a magical energy so we KNOW it’s all good. We KNOW we’re strong enough to handle whatever the world brings us.

Build your inner strength. Live your highest truths. Know that you have wings!

How do you really feel, Wayne?!? :)

Tony Robbins (see Notes) says the same thing. He says that “perfection” is the ABSOLUTE LOWEST standard you can ever have for yourself because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to attain.

Rumi (see Notes) reminds us: “There is no worse sickness for the soul, o you who are proud, than this pretense of perfection.”

And Maslow’s (see Notes as well): “There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers… even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”

Are you currently paralyzed by your need to be perfect?

We’ve all been there, but it’s time to get over ourselves. We’re not going to be the first human beings to be perfect so we might as well take the precious time we have left here and go out and rock it, eh? :)

In my own creative pursuits I love combining two ideas: “The Angel’s Advocate” and “Thinking Crappy.”

Step 1: Play with your Angel’s Advocate. Imagine you’ve got a little Angel on your side who can wave a magic wand and make EVERYTHING just right. What would your life look like?!? Got it? Sweet.

Next step: Follow Guy Kawasaki’s wisdom from Rules for Revolutionaries (brilliant book) and “Think crappy!” Just get to work!! Identify the first milestone you want to hit (whether it’s a first draft of a business plan or a first date with a potential soul mate or whatever). Just get to work! Then, as Kawasaki says, “Churn, baby, churn!” As you move forward from your first crappy version, “churn” it so it evolves into a more and more beautiful masterpiece. That’s how I’ve built all three of my businesses, that’s how I write and that’s how I roll when I’m having fun and rockin’ every aspect of life.

So, let’s move through our paralysis and just do it, yo! :)

“Musterbation.”

That’s gotta be one of the best words. Ever.

Musterbating is kinda like the idea of “shoulding all over yourself.” Neither one is all that cool. :)

What would life look like it we didn’t musterbate and should on ourselves? We’d trust ourselves. We’d be self-reliant. We’d quit TRYING to be anything or anyone. We’d just be ourselves. Authentically expressing ourselves moment to moment to moment.

Sounds sexcellent. Let’s do it. :)

Reminds me David Schwartz in The Magic of Thinking Big (see Notes) where he says “action cures fear. Indecision, postponement, on the other hand, fertilize fear… Jot that down in your success rule book right now. Action cures fear.”

And Russell Simmons, who says this in Do You! (see Notes): “The pain that’s created by avoiding hard work is actually much worse than any pain created from the actual work itself. Because if you don’t begin to work on those ideas that God has blessed you with, they will become stagnant inside of you and eventually begin to eat away at you. You might seem OK on the outside, but inside you will be ill from not getting those ideas out of your heart and into the world. Stalling leads to sickness. But taking steps, even baby steps, always leads to success.”

Simple question: Waddya need to do?

… Now a good time to Just Do It?!? :)

What would you be doing if you had six months to live?

If you’re not currently doing that, what’re you waiting for?