Words to Live By

Welcome to the passage for the very first day of the year.

We start with the recognition that ALL of us have the power to shape our lives. Then we get to work like good woodworkers (/irrigators/archers/carpenters) as we create a virtuous life.

btw: As I typed that out, I thought to myself, “I wonder what was discussed January 1st in those other 365-books I referenced in the Introduction…” I was pretty sure I captured those Day 1 wisdom nuggets as well, figuring that must be at least among the most powerful wisdom from the whole book, eh? So… Here’s what I found.

In The Daily Stoic, January 1st featured this: “The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not. A flight is delayed because of weather—no amount of yelling at an airline representative will end a storm. No amount of wishing will make you taller or shorter or born in a different country. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone like you. And on top of that, time spent hurling yourself at these immovable objects is time not spent on the things we can change.

The recovery community practices something called the Serenity Prayer: ‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’ Addicts cannot change the abuse suffered in childhood. They cannot undo the choices they have made or the hurt they have caused. But they can change the future—through the power they have in the present moment. As Epictetus said, they can control the choices they make right now.

The same is true for us today. If we can focus on making clear what parts of our day are within our control and what parts are not, we will not only be happier, we will have a distinct advantage over other people who fail to realize they are fighting an unwinnable battle.”

In The Golden Present, we start with this: “Life must be a challenge. Only then is it exciting. In an obstacle race, you are forced to surmount all the obstacles: to jump over the hurdles, go through the barrels, crawl under the rugs, climb over walls. What would happen if, to avoid all that, you went around all the obstacles and asked for the winner’s cup? Would they give it to you? No. They would say, ‘You must go back and face all the obstacles.’

… Make your life as exciting as possible, but always think of it as fun. The adversities as well as the harmony should be enjoyable. Don’t become sober and morose and have a castor oil face in the name of spirituality. Just be happy. Jump with joy. Even if you make a mistake, say, “Hey, I did this? Great! What a wonderful lesson I learned!” If you really want to, you can make everything fun.”

btw: Easwaran nearly perfectly echoes that same wisdom later in the book when he says:

“To grow to our full height, we need to be challenged with tasks that draw out our deeper resources, the talents and capacities we did not know we had. We need to be faced with obstacles that cannot be surmounted unless we summon up our daring and creativity. This kind of challenge is familiar to any great athlete or scientist or artist. No worthwhile accomplishment comes easily.”

“Will Quotient.”<- Easwaran tells us THAT’s what counts most in life.

Science agrees. As we’ve discussed many times, Martin Seligman puts it this way in Flourish: “Self-discipline outpredicts IQ for academic success by a factor of 2.”

As I say every time I share that wisdom-quote: That’s worth a re-read. One more time: Self-discipline (aka willpower) (aka WQ) outpredicts IQ for academic success by a factor of TWO?! Really? It’s TWICE as predictive? Wow.

And… What makes that stat so powerful is that WQ is teachable. (See our wisdom packs (featuring Notes + 101’s) on Habits + Willpower + Algorithms for more on the subject.)

Couple more quick things.

I laughed as I read that description of being willing to endure all kinds of torture to hit the ski slopes. I thought of Seneca (and making our PM and AM Bookends as exciting as that ski trip): “How much better to pursue a straight course and eventually reach that destination where the things that are pleasant and the things that are honorable finally become, for you, the same.”

Easwaran said our ski buddy had “a will of iron.” Which made me think of one of our Notes on An Iron Will by Orison Swett Marden. That whole Note is one soul-expanding choir of angels singing moment after another. Especially this one: “The man without self-reliance and an iron will is the plaything of chance, the puppet of his environment, the slave of circumstances. Are not doubts the greatest of enemies? If you would succeed up to the limit of your possibilities, must you not constantly hold to the belief that you are success-organized, and that you will be successful, no matter what opposes? You are never to allow a shadow of doubt to enter your mind that the Creator intended you to win in life’s battle. Regard every suggestion that your life may be a failure, that you are not made like those who succeed, and that success is not for you, as a traitor, and expel it from your mind as you would a thief from your house.”

Back to Easwaran. Remember: “To control our destiny, we need to harness our will, to do not what we like, but what is in our long-term best interest. If the will is strong enough, great things can be accomplished; if the will is weak, very little. In every endeavor, it is the man or woman with a firm will who excels.”

How’s YOUR will?

Let’s Optimize our WQ. And control our destinies.

The three gatekeepers.

Standing guard right there at your lips.

* SALUTE * | * SALUTE * | * SALUTE *

The first gatekeeper asks: “Is it true?”

If the words pass his test, the second gatekeeper asks: “Is it kind?”

Then we get to third gatekeeper who asks: “Is it necessary?”

One more time: Is what you’re about to say true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Let’s run our words through those three gatekeepers the next time we have some thing to say!!!

P.S. That passage makes me think of the Eleanor Roosevelt quote we have stenciled on the wall in our garage. I see it every time we drive in…

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

<- What do YOU discuss?

P.P.S. When I think of those three gatekeepers, I think of Will Bowen’s Complaint Free World. He tells us: “Complaining should happen infrequently; criticism and gossip, never… Most of the complaining we do is just a lot of ‘ear pollution’ detrimental to our happiness and well-being.”

Leo Buscaglia’s wisdom from Love immediately comes to mind.

He tells us: “You are the best you. You will always be the second best anyone else.”

Alan Stein, Jr. puts it well in Raise Your Game where he tells us: “My friend Paul Bioncardi of ESPN loves to say, ‘You will always lose the Comparison Game.’ Why is that? Because it’s rigged. It has no function besides enlarging self-doubt. I’m typing this chapter on board a flight to South Dakota. Among the 250 passengers on this plane, I can quickly find someone better looking, funnier, more successful, taller, more muscular, smarter. It won’t take long to find someone who scores higher than me on almost any metric. If I use these people as my measuring stick—to determine my self-worth and value—I will always lose.”

Let’s not wait till we die.

Quick q: Why aren’t you being more like you?!

Recall that this is a book featuring wisdom from some of history’s brightest spiritual lights Meister Eckhart. Ramana Maharshi. Saint Teresa of Avila. Rumi. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Not the kind of place where you’d expect to find encouragement to Optimize our Energy.

But… There it is: “If you want to live life at its fullest, you will want to do everything possible to keep your body in vibrant health in order to give back to life a little of what it has given you.”

Are you? (What’s one little thing you could do TODAY?)

I love it when great wisdom is echoed by great teachers.

Here’s how Aristotle puts it in his Ethics: “First, then, we must consider this fact: that it is in the nature of moral qualities that they are destroyed by deficiency and excess, just as we can see (since we have to use the evidence of visible facts to throw light on those that are invisible) in the case of health and strength. For both excessive and insufficient exercise destroy one’s strength, and both eating and drinking too much or too little destroy health, whereas the right quantity produces, increases and preserves it. So it is the same with temperance, courage and the other virtues. The man who shuns and fears everything and stands up to nothing becomes a coward; the man who is afraid of nothing at all, but marches up to every danger, becomes foolhardy. Similarly the man who indulges in every pleasure and refrains from none becomes licentious; but if a man behaves like a boor and turns his back on every pleasure, he is a case of insensibility. Thus temperance and courage are destroyed by excess and deficiency and preserved by the mean.”

So… How are YOUR strings?

Let’s make ‘em just right—neither too tight nor too loose—as we go have fun making beautiful music in the symphony of life.