Self-Help

Smiles tells us the story of Benjamin Disraeli’s early failures and how hard he worked to attain his success in life. (Which is just one of countless similar stories he tells on the subject—reminding us that the greatest among us often have suffered the most hardships and setbacks!)

—> “He did not, as many young men do, having once failed, retire dejected, to mope and whine in a corner, but diligently set himself to work.”

Reminds me of some Emerson mojo on the subject that we talk about in our Note on The Narcissism Epidemic. Here’s how the authors of that great book, Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell, put it: “The United States has also historically valued self-reliance, which is quite different from narcissism. In his culturally defining 1841 essay “Self-Reliance,” Ralph Waldo Emerson argued that individualism must be grounded in effort and responsibility. He praised young people who chose to work hard rather than show off: “A sturdy lad from New Hampshire or Vermont, who…always, like a cat, falls on his feet, is worth a hundred of these city dolls.” In other words, repeated effort and hard work are what define you. If you are not successful, suck it up and try again. This would be a great public service announcement, but it is a little at odds with our current cultural values, which instead focus more on admiring yourself no matter how little effort you put in or however bad the result.”

With that wisdom in mind, let’s drop the idea that we should be incredible super stars without working hard or experiencing failures.

As Twenge and Campbell put it: “If you are not successful, suck it up and try again.” :)

Smiles takes a considerable amount of time to articulate the fact that it was “indefatigable industry” that created history’s most distinguished creators—NOT simple inborn genius.

The fact that it takes an incredible amount of effort to tap our highest potential is echoed by modern research. We talk about it quite a bit in these Notes.

Here’s how Geoff Colvin puts it in his great book Talent Is Overrated (see Notes): “The phenomenon seems nearly universal. In a famous study of chess players, Nobel Prize winner Herbert Simon and William Chase proposed “the ten year rule,” based on their observation that no one seemed to reach the top ranks of chess players without a decade or so of intensive study, and some required much more time. Even Bobby Fischer was not an exception; when he became a grand master at age sixteen, he had been studying chess intensively for nine years. Subsequent research in a wide range of fields has substantiated the ten-year rule everywhere the researchers have looked. In math, science, musical composition, swimming, X-ray diagnosis, tennis, literature—no one, not even the most “talented” performers, became great without at least ten years of very hard preparation. If talent means that success is easy or rapid, as most people seem to believe, then something is obviously wrong with a talent-based explanation of high achievement.”

Ten years of “indefatigable industry.”

Got it.

In her great book, Mindset, Carol Dweck, one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation, describes the fact that we can approach life with either a “fixed mindset” (where we believe we’re either born great or not) or a “growth mindset” (where we believe we have the ability to shape our destiny thru hard work). Unfortunately, our culture gravitates toward the fixed mindset.

She tells us: “Malcolm Gladwell, the author and New Yorker writer, has suggested that as a society we value natural, effortless accomplishment over achievement through effort. We endow our heroes with superhuman abilities that lead them inevitably toward their greatness. It’s as if Midori popped out of the womb fiddling, Michael Jordan dribbling, and Picasso doodling. This captures the fixed mindset perfectly. And it’s everywhere.”

Said another way: “In the fixed mindset it’s not enough just to succeed. It’s not enough just to look smart and talented. You have to be pretty much flawless. And you have to be flawless right away.”

Check out the Note and the book for more powerful wisdom on learning to work hard and to embrace failure. For now, chew on this Dweck goodness to bring the point home: “Is it ability or mindset? Was it Mozart’s musical ability or the fact that he worked till his hands were deformed? Was it Darwin’s scientific ability or the fact that he collected specimens non-stop from early childhood?”

(Hint: Their abilities were due to their indefatigable industry. ;)

I just love this: “Work and occupation had become necessary for his comfort and happiness.”

For some wacky reason we seem to have this idea that when we really “make it,” we’ll retire on our own island and pass the days away sipping piña coladas by the pool as the sun sets and we’re watching TV on our 2,000” plasma flatscreen that magically hovers in the air.

Um, right.

That’s a GREAT recipe for DEPRESSION not fulfillment.

In his classic book, Flow (see Notes), Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls this “the paradox of work” and tells us: “Thus we have a paradoxical situation: On the job people feel skillful and challenged, and therefore feel more happy, strong, creative, and satisfied. In their free time people feel that there is generally not much to do and their skills are not being used, and therefore they tend to feel more sad, weak, dull, and dissatisfied. Yet they would like to work less and spend more time in leisure.”

Research tells us that happy people have projects. They’re engaged in life and committed to giving their gifts to the world.

In short, the happiest among us realize that work and occupation are necessary for our comfort and happiness!!

How about you?

Are you lusting after a life of leisure? We all need time for rest and rejuvenation, but let’s remember that consistent, joyful service is one of the best ways to ensure our well-being!

Time.

If you value your life, it’s one of the most precious assets you have.

Smiles tells us: “Lost wealth may be replaced by industry, lost knowledge by study, lost health by temperance or medicine, but lost time is gone for ever.”

And Aristotle tells us: “We live in deeds, not years; In thoughts not breaths; In feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs.”

Let’s do the math. Take an hour wasted from frivolous pursuits every day. That’s 365 hours a year, 3,650 hours over ten years.

Let’s invest that time in doing something meaningful. What can you learn? What good habit could you strengthen? How could you be of service?

Who would you be in ten years if you meditated for 3,650 hours? Or worked out for 3,650 hours? Or spent more quality time with your loved ones for 3,650 hours? Or learned a new skill or provided service to your community for 3,650 hours?

Let’s get it out of the abstract and make it real.

I waste 60 minutes a day doing this: ________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

I commit to using this time more wisely by engaging in these activities: _________________

__________________________________________________________________

You committed to rockin’ that?!

Sweet.

Socrates tells us that he who would move the world must first move himself while Gandhi tells us we need to be the change.

Yet, for some weird reason, we all seem to prefer spending our time trying to change others (and the world at large).

Anthony de Mello captures this silliness well in Awareness (see Notes) where he tells us: “Imagine a patient who goes to a doctor and tells him what he is suffering from. The doctor says, ‘Very well, I’ve understood your symptoms. Do you know what I will do? I will prescribe a medicine for your neighbor!’ The patient replies, ‘Thank you very much, Doctor, that makes me feel much better.’ Isn’t that absurd? But that’s what we all do. The person who is asleep always thinks he’ll feel better if somebody else changes. You’re suffering because you are asleep, but you’re thinking, ‘How wonderful life would be if somebody else would change. How wonderful life would be if my neighbor changed, my wife changed, my boss changed.’”

If we want the world to change, we’ve gotta change ourselves.

So, let’s get on that!! :)

I’d never heard of the word before but it’s now one of my new favorite words.

Here’s the Apple dictionary def:

Sedulous. “Showing dedication and diligence.”

LOVE. IT. Here’s to getting our sedulity on, my friend! :)

Love that. Reminds me of Tal Ben-Shahar’s knapsack.

Check out the Notes on Happier where he tells us: “In 1879 Thomas Edison announced that he would publicly display the electric lightbulb by December 31, even though all his experiments had, to that point, failed. He threw his knapsack over the brick wall—the numerous challenges that he still faced—and on the last day of that year, there was light. In 1962, when John F. Kennedy declared to the world that the United States was going to land a man on the moon by the end of the decade, some of the metals necessary for the journey had not yet been invented, and the technology required for completing the journey was not available. But he threw his—and NASA’s—knapsack over the brick wall. Though making a verbal commitment, no matter how bold and how inspiring, does not ensure that we reach our destination, it does enhance the likelihood of success.”

What knapsack do YOU need to throw over the wall?!

(Now a good time?)

—> “Even happiness itself may become habitual.” Amen to that.

Sonja Lyubomirsky echoes this wisdom in The How of Happiness (see Notes): “All that is required to become an optimist is to have the goal and to practice it. The more you rehearse optimistic thoughts, the more ‘natural’ and ‘ingrained’ they will become. With time they will be part of you, and you will have made yourself into an altogether different person.”

While Csikszentmihalyi (see Notes on Flow) tells us: “A person can make himself happy, or miserable, regardless of what is actually happening ‘outside,’ just by changing the contents of consciousness. We all know individuals who can transform hopeless situations into challenges to be overcome, just through the force of their personalities. This ability to persevere despite obstacles and setbacks is the quality people most admire in others, and justly so; it is probably the most important trait not only for succeeding in life, but for enjoying it as well.

To develop this trait, one must find ways to order consciousness so as to be in control of feelings and thoughts. It is best not to expect shortcuts will do the trick.”