#253 Your Dreamer + Your Doer

How to Build Your Confidence: Have Both in Mind Today

In my interview with Barry Michels about the great book he wrote with Phil Stutz called Coming Alive, we talked about a bunch of things.

One of the things that jumped out at me was the way Barry described the two parts we each have within ourselves. He called them the “Dreamer” and the “Doer.”

More on that in a moment.

First, a little more context.

The essence of Coming Alive is the fact that there’s an eternal battle going on within you between the best version of you and the not-so-great version of you. Barry and Phil came up with a name for that part of us that’s constantly getting in the way. They call it “Part X.”

Part X is the voice that’s constantly telling you what’s impossible. “No, you can’t fulfill that dream. Or that one. Nope, can’t break that habit or build that one.” Etc. Etc. Etc.

Now, one of the best ways to deal with Part X is to get really good at doing the little things really well. And, to STOP doing the little *bad* things you know aren’t good for you.

Barry says that, although we might not see the connection, self-restraint is what creates true confidence. For a couple reasons.

First, if you don’t have self-restraint and you allow yourself to get carried away by every impulse you have, you never know when your life is going to go off the rails. (Right?)

Second, if you don’t have the self-mastery to do what you say is important, you never know if you’ll actually follow through on the big dreams you have.

That’s where the Dreamer and the Doer come in.

Your Dreamer is the version of you that can see your infinite potential. It KNOWS you can do so much more than you’re currently doing.

Your Doer is the part of you that actually DOES the things that are best for you.

Here’s the deal: Your Dreamer needs to be able to trust your Doer. Your Dreamer needs to know that when it says X, Y, and Z are important that your Doer will actually rock it. If you don’t have that trust in your Doer, you won’t have the confidence you need to rock it.

Again, for the 100th time: Remember: The Latin root of the word confidence literally means “intense trust.” In this case, we’re talking about trust between your Dreamer and your Doer.


Today’s +1. Here’s the way Barry tells us to operationalize that wisdom: At every choice point today (yes, EVERY), ask your Doer if he thinks the Dreamer will appreciate what you’re about to do.

That’s it.

Moment to moment to moment. We’re either Doing the things that take us in the direction of our Dreamer or we’re headed in some other direction.

Of course, we’re never going to be perfect, but let’s see if we can build a little more trust between our Doer and our Dreamer today.

+1. +1. +1.

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