#1336 Tolerant with Others (Part II)

The Most Frequently Asked Question in Heroic Coach

In our last +1, we talked about some Ryan Holiday wisdom from his new book Discipline Is Destiny.

As you may recall, we brought Cato the Elder, Ben Franklin and Marcus Aurelius to the party to talk about the importance of focusing on all the ways WE can get better rather than worrying about all the ways other people need to improve.

Cato told us: “I am prepared to forgive everybody’s mistakes, except my own.”

Ben Franklin told us: “Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.”

Marcus Aurelius told us to be: “Tolerant with others, strict for yourself.”

We could add Jesus’ wisdom to the mix. He told us to quit worrying about the speck of dust in your brother’s eye and to focus on the BEAM in yours!

Same thing.

This is a really important Idea.


It’s funny because as I created that last +1, I thought of what is probably THE most frequently asked question from people going through our Heroic Mastery Series/Coach certification program.

It goes something like this…

“I’m really into this stuff and I can already feel my life changing as I start to move from Theory to Practice to Mastery. It’s amazing!!”

Then they continue with…


Then I often know what’s coming…

“The problem is that my [wife/husband/kids/extended family/colleagues/insert someone other than them!] REALLY needs to work on this stuff and…”

I laughed as I typed that.

And I usually laugh when I start my reply to our Hero-in-training.

I typically talk about prescribing medicine for your neighbor, unilaterality and “How am I that?” as I encourage them to avoid proselytizing and simply focus on DOING THE WORK—letting our example be the primary lesson rather than the lectures we’re all tempted to give when we’re on fire with our own self-development.

Then I tell them about the fact that MY OWN WIFE doesn’t want me to coach her. (HAH!)

(Trust me, Alexandra doesn’t want me to coach her unless she explicitly asks me for the support. After fifteen years, I’m almost getting that fact! 🤓)

Now I’ve got another frame to use.

Let’s be prepared to forgive everybody’s mistakes, except our own.

Let’s search others for their virtues and ourselves for our vices.

Let’s be tolerant with others and strict with ourselves.

And, let’s notice EVERY TIME we’re tempted to do the opposite.

Then use that prompt/trigger/cue as an opportunity to cultivate our reactive discipline—stepping in between the stimulus and our old, habitual response as we choose a better response and practice our philosophy.

Not someday.


Trust me.

Your loved ones will thank you.

And, paradoxically at first glance but obvious at the second or third glance: This is the fastest way to actually convince your loved ones that you're on to something and that you have wisdom worth paying attention to. 🤓

Day 1. All in.


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