#34 The Science of Self-Compassion

Three Keys: Self-Kindness + Common Humanity + Mindfulness

As we go ALL IN on optimizing our lives, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

That’s when the science of Self-Compassion comes in.

The science is unequivocal btw: Shame is super-toxic. It does nothing but erode our ability to function at a high level and enjoy the process. We need to learn how to cultivate self-compassion. Here’s a quick look at how.

According to Kristin Neff—the world’s leading Self-Compassion researcher—we need to embrace three things if we want to cultivate our self-compassion.

First, we need to be nice to ourselves. She calls it “self-kindness.” This is pretty straight-forward but super important to keep in mind. When you’re facing a setback and feel yourself slipping into toxic rumination, talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a dear friend (or child).

In other words: BE NICE!!

Then, we need to embrace what Kristin calls “common humanity.” We need to know that we’re not alone. We ALL experience challenging times. The fact that you’re anxious / upset / stressed / whatever is not about you being you per se. It’s about you being human.

Finally, we need to be mindful. In short, notice the emotion/self-talk that’s arising, simply label it without dropping into the ruminative chaos and move on with living the next moment of your life.


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