#1871 The Heroic Vow

In our last few +1s (here and here), we’ve been talking about Marsha Linehan and her truly, INCREDIBLY Heroic life.

As we’ve discussed, when she was a young woman, she (desperately) wanted to end her own life. After two years in a mental health institution, she escaped her personal hell, made a vow to help others do the same, then spent decades creating Dialectical Behavior Therapy, then returned to THE SAME INSTITUTION FIFTY YEARS LATER (!) to tell her story.

😲 🤯 !!!

🦸‍♀️ !!!

Today, I’d like to share part of that journey in her own words.

Let’s get to work.

In the introduction to her wonderful memoir called, Building a Life Worth Living Marsha tells us: “‘In reality, the seeds of DBT were planted in 1961,’ I continued, ‘when, at age eighteen, I was admitted here, to the Institute of Living.’ …

I did not know what happened to me. No one knew. My experience at the institute was one of descending into hell, an out-of-control storm of emotional torture and absolute anguish. There was no escape. ‘God, where are you?’ I whispered each day, but got no answer. I find the pain and turmoil hard to describe. How do you adequately describe what it is like being in hell? You can’t. You can only feel it, experience it. And I did. I felt this inside myself, and it came out finally as suicidal behavior.

But I survived. And toward the end of my time at the institute, I made a promise to God, a vow, that I would get myself out of hell, too.

DBT was, and is, my best effort to date at keeping that vow. This vow has controlled most of my life. I was determined to find a therapy that would help these people, people who were so often deemed beyond saving. And I did. I have felt the pain that my clients feel as they wrestle the emotional demons that tear at their souls. I understand what it is like to feel terrible emotional pain, desperately wanting to escape by whatever means.”

I’m going to ask you to imagine this scene ONE more time...

Our 18-year-old hero-in-training is admitted to an institution to help address her suicidal tendencies. She spends an AGONIZING TWO YEARS there.

She made a vow that, if she was able to escape hell, she’d do everything in her power to help others escape hell as well. Fast forward FIFTY years (literally)—from 1961 to 2011.

Our hero has transformed her life and fulfilled her vow. She is one of THE most respected therapists in her field--creating THE FIRST and most effective treatment for suicidal individuals.

But...

Except for a few close friends, NO ONE knows her personal story.

So...

Where does she tell her origin story and the origin story of her therapy that has saved countless lives?

At the same institution where she spent her years in hell.

Note: I got goosebumps typing that.

Once again…

Feel into the power of that for a moment.

There’s SO MUCH we can discuss there. I want to highlight a couple of things.

First, Abraham Maslow made a similar vow (albeit without the terrible suffering) as a young man. Learn more about his vow in our Notes on Future Visions.

Second, when I think of making a vow, I always think of wisdom from Daisaku Ikeda.

In Buddhism Day by Day, he says: “In any field of endeavor, making a vow is the foundation for achieving something great. If for whatever reason a person gives up halfway or backslides, his or her commitment hasn’t been based on a vow. Halfhearted desire doesn’t amount to a vow.”

And, finally, I think of the hero’s journey again.

It’s hard not to with HEROIC tattooed in inch-tall letters on my forearm.

The foreword to the book is written by Dr. Allen Frances of Duke University. It’s wonderful.

He tells us: “Many people come up with good ideas but don’t have what it takes to get them into the world. Marsha had the charisma, energy, commitment, and organizational skills to turn dream into reality.”

Then he says: “In myths the world over, heroes must first descend into the underworld, where they are faced with a series of epic challenges to be overcome before they can prevail in their heroic life journey. Once they succeed, they return to their country bearing some special new secret of life. Marsha has plunged into an unbelievably challenging journey of self-discovery, far away from family support, and returned bearing precious insights to help turn abject misery into lives worth living.”

Back to you (again)...

How have YOU suffered?

And…

How can you continue to do the hard work to reduce your own suffering SO THAT you can help *others* do the same?!

From my vantage point, that’s one of THE most powerful ways we can be Heroic.

The Buddhists call this being a bodhisattva—we strive for our own “enlightenment” such that we can help OTHERS achieve their own joy in life.

Let’s make our vow to do that.

Together.

TODAY.

P.S. I talk about my own struggles with depression and wanting to end MY life in Conquering Depression 101 and Conquering Anxiety 101. The most powerful feedback I have ever gotten is on THOSE classes in which I share my own challenges AND how I have conquered them.

As Marsha says in the VERY first quote in the book: “If I can do it, you can do it.”

She also brilliantly tells us: “When someone is in distress, the best compassion you can give is to be effective in helping them.”

P.P.S. Marsha’s Heroic quest to heal and then heal others reminds me of George Mumford and his journey. Check out our Notes on The Mindful Athlete and Unlocked for more on his Heroic story of how he went from being addicted to heroin and alcohol to being the mindfulness coach for Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant.