#1869 Radical Acceptance

In our last couple +1s (here and here), we talked about my STRONG preference for a good night of sleep (😉) along with my commitment to practicing some Stoic indifference when the Heroic gods decided to amuse themselves by shutting off the A/C in the middle of the night after a 105-degree day.

😲 🥵

Now…

As I was doing some pull-ups after writing that first +1 (which, for the record, I wrote on my iPhone while sitting on my Concept2 after hammering a quick row), I was thinking about another way I could have approached my micro-challenge.

I could have radically accepted it.

Technically, I did radically accept it; I just wasn’t thinking about this explicitly until those pull-ups.

Now…

We’ve talked about radical acceptance before.

It’s a MAJOR theme in my work with Phil. And, of course, it’s a central theme of Stoicism (they call it “The Art of Acquiescence”) and Byron Katie’s Work (she calls it “Loving What Is.”).

Check out these +1s for more on the subject: Singer’s Stoicism, Big Wave Riding, and How to Make a Pearl.

But…

I can’t recall ever hearing anyone else use the phrase “radical acceptance” as a central part of their work until I read Marsha Linehan’s GREAT book Building a Life Worth Living.

Marsha’s story is mind-bogglingly Heroic.

Get this…

At eighteen, she was admitted to a mental health institution for what was supposed to be a couple weeks of evaluation.

TWO YEARS (!) later, she got out and made a vow to God that if she was able to escape her personal hell, she would do everything in her power to help OTHERS escape THEIR hells.

In her memoir, she tells the story of how she created a life of deep meaning and purpose AND how she created something called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that has helped countless people suffering from suicidal ideation build, as per the title of her book, “a life worth living.”

It’s one of the most powerful books I’ve ever read.

Now…

Here’s the point of Today’s +1.

One of the reasons Marsha’s DBT is so effective is that she teaches people skills that will help them navigate life’s inevitable challenges.

One of the skills she talks about as much as any other?

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.

Marsha tells us that we MUST cultivate the skill to tolerate distress.

She calls it “distress tolerance.”

Why is developing the skills of distress tolerance so important?

Because…

If we can’t tolerate distress, we’ll make a challenging situation WORSE.

Now…

How do we develop the skills of distress tolerance?

We start by RADICALLY ACCEPTING your current reality.

Then…

When we quit arguing with reality, we can decide what we’re going to do to create a *better* reality.

And…

THAT’s Today’s +1.

Is there anything YOU need to RADICALLY ACCEPT in your life?

Let’s start with something tiny.

Perhaps the most recent or the next little nuisance that arises in your life.

(Like an A/C that decides not to work on a 100+ degree day? 🤷)

Then…

Let’s use that next micro-moment of distress as strength training for the big stuff.

When?

All day.

Every day.

Especially…

TODAY.