Infinite Self

Those are the last words of the introduction before we move on to Step 1.

One of the things I like about Stuart Wilde (in addition to his sense of humor) is the fact that he’s able to combine some pretty esoteric ideas with a REALLY strong sense of discipline.

Of course, we talk about this all the time, but it’s always nice to revisit the fact that a) tapping into the best within ourselves requires discipline, b) that’s an incremental process + c) that process never ends. (As in NEVER ends.)

As The Tools guys say, thinking you will one day “get there” and then be exonerated from all future discipline/hard work is probably the story that gets us in the most trouble. (Closely related to the story that we should *already* “be there.”)

As I reflect on the physics of self-development, I’m reminded of Ken Wilber’s ideas on states and traits. Short story: We can have an elevated “state” experience when we’re “inspired by a hymn, by a fantastic sermon, words out of a book.” That’s nice.

BUT… As I’m sure we’ve all experienced, that state will “decay” shortly after you get back from that weekend workshop or whatever it is that fired you up. We must, as all the great teachers say, DO THE WORK to convert that “state” into a “trait.”

How? A lot of hard work. Discipline. Diligence. Patience. Persistence. Aggregating and compounding a ton of little incremental optimizations day in and day out for a long, long time. More precisely: Forever.

Welcome to Step 1. Want to tap into your Infinite Self? Look within.

And, if you feel so bold, declare: “I Am God.”

As I said in the intro, this book reminds me of Eric Butterworth’s Discover the Power Within You. Here’s how he puts it: “The more we understand the concepts of Jesus, the more we realize that the only time we can truthfully say, ‘That’s just the way I am,’ is when we are referring to the divinity within us. You have a great potentiality, a divine self within you that needs to be released. This is what Jesus really taught.”

Butterworth also echoes both the “Infinite” and the “I Am” wisdom when he tells us: “But you must still make that great decision to affirm your unity with the Infinite. You must still believe that I AM, and then work tirelessly to act the part. You must claim your freedom, realizing that it does not mean doing what you like, but becoming what you should.”

Step 1. Recognize the divine within. Step 2. Work tirelessly to act the part.

This is the whole point of all of our work together. In my original Optimal Living 101 class (check out the full 10-hour class here), we discuss 10 principles. The 10th? en*theos or “God within.”

Everything we do is REALLY all about chipping away at the stuff that’s getting in the way of that divine energy flowing through us on a more consistent basis as we make ourselves the best conduit for that God Force (or whatever you want to call it).

Eat. Move. Sleep. Breathe. Focus. Conquer your digital addictions. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Why? Because You Are God. Let’s work tirelessly to act the part—becoming what we should.

P.S. For Christians, Stuart says: “You can still be a good Christian and believe in Jesus Christ, but believe in a Christ energy inside you rather than outside you.”

That’s from Step 5: Accepting Negativity As a Learning Experience.

Have you ever had that experience? Me, too. Recently, in fact! (Laughing.)

I think the best way to wrap our brains around what’s going on here is to revisit David Emerald’s great little book The Power of TED*.

Check out those Notes for the full story. (Seriously, if you aren’t familiar with this model yet, I HIGHLY recommend you get familiar with the ideas and start seeing your life through this lens.)

Short story: David tells us we can live in one of two “triangles”: The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT for short) or The Empowerment Dynamic (TED for short).

Now, as with all good triangles, both DDT and TED have three points. They mirror each other but are very different. At the top of the Dreaded Drama Triangle we have a Victim. At the top of The Empowerment Dynamic, we have a Creator.

The Victim triangle has a Rescuer on the bottom right and a Persecutor on the bottom left. The Creator has a Coach and a Challenger in those spots.

So… The Victim is, as you’d guess, playing the role of Victim. That involves two other characters: They’re always (but only always!) looking for someone (or something) to “rescue” them and, at the same time, there’s always someone (or something) “persecuting” them. Just step back and listen to people incessantly blaming, complaining, and criticizing. That’s DDT.

The Creator, on the other hand, takes responsibility for their lives. Although they’re open to having a Coach support them in their heroic quest, they don’t look for people to “rescue” them per se. And, rather than being a Victim to all the “Persecutors” in their lives, they see challenges for what they are: opportunities to grow and to CREATE the next-best version of themselves.

Now, back to Stuart: Want to become someone’s persecuting rat? Just try to rescue them. (Hah.)

Here’s to giving DDT to the rat and enjoying some healthy TED salad.

That’s from Step 9: Power Comes from Discipline.

Now, OF COURSE, I’m a big fan of discipline. And… Although I agree with the fundamental wisdom shared here, I do think we can split some hairs on the whole “ego” chat. So, let’s.

Here’s my take: The “brat” we need to deal with isn’t actually your “ego” per se. In fact, we need to have a well-adjusted ego to tame the *two* brats in each of us: Our “id” (that impulsive part of us that just wants to do whatever we want RIGHT NOW!!) and the “superego” (that conditioned part of us that wants to make sure we’re always making everyone happy).

Notice how we tend to bounce around from REALLY wanting to do something (whether that’s impulsively checking our phone or impulsively saying something or whatever) THEN we feel REALLY bad as we imagine what others will think of us and how we *should* have behaved.

That’s basically a never-ending fight going on between your Id and your Superego.

It’s the well-adjusted, strong, disciplined ego that can get those two parts of you in line so you can function as a happy, healthy human being. You know, the version of you who isn’t addicted to your phone (and email and news and social) who actually sticks to the training and nutrition and sleep routines you set for yourself. (aka: Your ego is strong enough to manage your Id.)

AND, the strong, healthy, disciplined ego-you ALSO knows how to step outside of the conditioning of our culture and trust ourselves as our own, iconoclastic taskmasters—dealing with the inevitable blowback from society. (Recall Emerson: “For nonconformity, society will whip you with its displeasure.”) (aka: Your ego is strong enough to manage your superego.)

Now, of course, having a well-integrated ego isn’t enough. You then need to move BEYOND your ego so you can live from your Infinite Self. But… It’s a TWO-step process. First, you need to have a strong ego. THEN you get to move past it.

We can talk about this for a weekend. Check out Pathways to Bliss for Joseph Campbell’s thoughts on the matter. For now, let’s wrap it up with some more genius wisdom from Ken Wilber. In One Taste, he tells us: “But ‘egoless’ does not mean ‘less than personal’; it means ‘more than personal.’ Not personal minus, but personal plus—all the normal qualities, plus some transpersonal ones.”

And: “There is certainly a type of truth to the notion of transcending ego: it doesn’t mean destroy the ego, it means plug it into something bigger… Put bluntly, the ego is not an obstruction to Spirit, but a radiant manifestation of Spirit.”

P.S. You know that quote that led me to this book? It was in this chapter. Here’s the full passage: “Another discipline I have found particularly important is to establish order in your life. Messy surroundings and an untidy life reflect a weakened metaphysical and psychological state. If you are powerful, you will dominate your life, you will find time to clean up and order things, and you will want to do that as a part of your personal discipline. Mess is the external manifestation of the ego’s disquiet and laziness. Through mess, the ego exercises control over you. It’s the brat within—obsessed with self, waiting for its mother to pick up after it. Or, sometimes, the brat from hell is just too important and special and full of itself to do mundane stuff like cleaning up and washing dishes. All the more reason to give it a whole pile of stuff to polish and clean. The more you accommodate the brat, the more it will make your life a misery.

Make your life as immaculate as possible, and keep things zen and neat. Order helps you feel confident. Life becomes a prayer rather than the chaotic manifesto of an immature mind. The effort it takes to establish order is recouped in several ways. As an affirmation of control, it helps you feel more secure. It allows for a better flow of ideas and, most importantly, you don’t waste energy hunting for things, stepping over a dead horse in the hallway every time the doorbell goes.”

<- If that doesn’t make you want to clean up I don’t know what will!

P.P.S. You know how I often point out the word that’s used most often in a book? Well, the #1 word used in this book is ENERGY. As in, find all the little possible ways to build your energy.

Serenity. It’s a superpower.

I’m going to skip the subtle commentary on ego, id and superego in this context but get this: That was written in 1996—which just so happens to be the year I graduated from UCLA with a degree in Psychology and a minor in Business. Guess what? I had no smartphone and no email and basically no internet. And, somehow, I managed to survive.

I’m reminded of Nobel Prize winner Herbert Simon’s wisdom that: “…information consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it.” <- He said THAT in 1971! What would he and Stuart say today?!

Finally: I’m also reminded of our recent Note on Lead Yourself First. Those guys echo this wisdom and tell us we need to create solitude in our lives so that we can tap into four things: Clarity + Creativity + Emotional Balance + Moral Courage.

btw: Another way to create serenity? Stuart tells us: “As a part of your overall serenity, it’s important to disengage from arguments and all the antagonistic, adversarial positions you may find yourself in. It’s hard to go beyond tick-tock and embrace a more angelic way if you’re constantly at war with people. In the act of scrapping with others, you metaphysically hold yourself back. Your energy can’t rise while you’re busy arguing with the Neanderthals in the marketplace of life. It doesn’t matter if your cause is just or unjust; it’s the emotion and thought-forms of an argument that lock you in. Sometimes arguments are unavoidable, especially if you have a lot of social and financial interactions going on in your life. Sooner a later a few plates fall off the shelf, so to speak. But keep your disputes short and as unemotional as possible. If you have any outstanding situations with people, try to resolve them.”

Here’s to having the discipline to create serenity and tap into your Infinite Self!