True Success

Amen!

Although most of the self-development world seems to be more interested in helping us acquire fame, wealth, power and status, the fact is that true happiness and fulfillment come from the inside-out.

Morris begins the book by establishing the fact that going after these external markers of “success” just isn’t gonna get the job done. True success, from his perspective, comes from a commitment to developing our own greatness of spirit.

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (see Notes), Stephen Covey tells us “I believe that a life of integrity is the most fundamental source of personal worth. I do not agree with the popular success literature that says that self-esteem is primarily a matter of mind set, of attitude—that you can psych yourself into peace of mind. Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way.”

Covey sums it up with this great line: “Private Victory precedes Public Victory. Algebra comes before calculus.”

One of my favorite Positive Psychologists, Sonja Lyubomirsky (see Notes on The How of Happiness), tells us that about 50% of our happiness come from our genetic set points and that, at best, only 10% of our happiness comes from external stuff like wealth, physical attractiveness or our jobs. The other 40%? That’s under our control.

As she says: “What makes up this 40 percent? Besides our genes and the situations that we confront, there is one critical thing left: our behavior. Thus the key to happiness lies not in changing our genetic makeup (which is impossible) and not in changing our circumstances (i.e., seeking wealth or attractiveness or better colleagues, which is usually impractical), but in our daily intentional activities. With this in mind, our pie chart illustrates the potential of the 40 percent that is within our ability to control, the 40 percent for room to maneuver, for opportunities to increase or decrease our happiness levels through what we do in our daily lives and how we think.”

So, we know both philosophically and scientifically, that the truly Good Life—one that leads to an abundance of joy, meaning and lasting happiness and fulfillment, comes from living a life of virtue. Let’s check out some of Tom’s other brilliant Big Ideas on how to rock it! :)

Having a clear idea of what we want is the first condition of True Success.

The challenge is that we’re often told by self-help gurus that it’s all about visualizing ourselves on a tropical beach with a tan and sexy people around us while we’re told to create a vision board with our new mansion on the cliffs overlooking the crashing waves (next to the 10 houses we bought for our parents, family, etc.).

Of course, there’s nothing inherently *wrong* with enjoying beautiful things in our lives (and aspiring to enjoy a certain level of luxury) but when acquiring those things becomes our dominant focus, we’re in for a rude awakening.

For two reasons: 1) The ONLY way you’re ever going to get any of that stuff is by working *really* *really* hard and creating a significant amount of value in the world; and, 2) Even if you eventually get those material possessions, you’re still not going to get what you REALLY want (which is happiness) unless, in the process, you’ve also optimized your mind, invested energy into your relationships and really feel like you’ve made a lasting contribution to the world.

So, let’s put the vision board in the closet for a moment (gasp!) and start with a fresh sheet of paper. Write in the middle of it: “How can I best make my contribution to the world?”

And mind map the bliss out of that. Then work hard. With joy, energy and enthusiasm as you give yourself most fully to the world!

P.S. To see a YouTube video on how I mind map, Google “YouTube + PhilosophersNotes + How I Mind Map” or click here! :)

How about a little more philosophical Morris mojo on the subject of goal setting?

Love that.

So, to repeat: Setting high goals is NOT about external stuff/seeing how much fame/power/wealth you can accumulate. The world doesn’t need another Oprah and you don’t need to be on Oprah to be a success.

So let’s shift from that manic focus on being Big Time and get back to the question “How can I best make my contribution to the world?”

For some, THE most important contribution might be (and should be!) to be an amazing mom or dad—spending LESS time going after all the bling and signs of outward success and spending MORE time with your kids on their homework or teaching them these kinds of Big Ideas.

In my experience, as we get all geeked up about creating an authentically awesome life, it’s really easy to get seduced by all the stuff our society tells us we need. Namely, the fame, power, wealth and social status. But, again, those are, at best, BY-PRODUCTS of living a life of integrity and inner wisdom.

So, let’s step back, dig deep into our own hearts, find out what we’re capable of and how we can create our most authentically awesome lives—on OUR terms and in harmony with true wisdom.

This wisdom on embracing failure comes from the second chapter on the importance of having “Confidence to See Us Through.” Fact is, as we put ourselves out there and really challenge ourselves we WILL fail. Period.

In The Pursuit of Perfect (see Notes), Tal Ben-Shahar goes so far as to say: “One of the wishes that I always have for my students is that they should fail more often (although they are understandably not thrilled to hear me tell them so). If they fail frequently, it means that they try frequently, that they put themselves on the line and challenge themselves. It is only from the experience of challenging ourselves that we learn and grow, and we often develop and mature much more from our failures than from our successes. Moreover, when we put ourselves on the line, when we fall down and get up again, we become stronger and more resilient.”

And, as Alexandra and I push our edges and test out all kinds of ideas (from where we want to live to how we want to run our businesses), we love to remind ourselves of Michael Beckwith’s genius concept of mis-takes from Spiritual Liberation (see Notes): “A conscious realization of our innate oneness with the Ineffable does not mean that we will never make a mistake again. Even enlightened beings burn their bagels once in a while. It’s important to maintain a sense of humor because this is how you will stop being afraid of making a mistake. You’ll make some, but so what? That’s why they’re called mis-takes. Humor relaxes the uptight ego. You get a new cue from your inner Self and simply say, ‘I missed my cue, so let’s do a second take.’ Your willingness to take the risk of making a mistake is actually an expression of courage and a willingness to grow from them. Mistakes are about getting the blessing in the lesson and the lesson in the blessing.”

So, back to you: Are you playing it a little too safe?

How can you push your edges a little more and take some more risks. Or, if you’re currently experiencing a setback, how can you see it from a broader, more confident perspective—where you can see the strength you’re building and the distinctions you’re making for your next awesome push?!

Confidence. It’s HUGE. Let’s build more and more of it!

The third chapter is all about “A Concentration on What It Takes” and Morris goes into detail on his PLAN.

Prepare. Launch. Adjust. Network.

Great stuff.

Consistency. It’s the fourth essential ingredient in True Success.

Call it integrity or coherence or a “higher sort of consistency”—it’s clear the commitments we make in our lives MUST “be embodied in our thoughts, actions, emotions, and attitudes on a consistent basis” if we’re gonna rock it.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi puts it this way in his classic book Flow (see Notes): “Someone who knows his desires and works with purpose to achieve them is a person whose feelings, thoughts, and actions are congruent with one another, and is therefore a person who has achieved inner harmony.”

Here’s to consistent inner harmony!

Well that makes it pretty straightforward, eh? :)

If we’re gonna honor the fifth element of True Success, “A Commitment of Emotion,” we’ve gotta put our hearts into our work.

As Kahlil Gibran tells us in The Prophet (still need to do a Note on that one! :): “Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy. For if you break bread with indifference, you bake bitter bread that feeds but half a man’s hunger. And if you grudge the crushing of grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine. And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man’s ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night.”

And Carlos Castaneda brings the point home in a passage I often like to share: “Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore, a warrior must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if he feels that he should not follow it, he must not stay with it under any conditions. His decision to keep on that path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. He must look at every path closely and deliberately. There is a question that a warrior has to ask, mandatorily: ‘Does this path have a heart?’”

So, two choices here: Love what you’re currently doing or do something you love.

Please don’t hang out in between. Your family, your community and your world need more from you, yo! :)

Character. It’s the 6th essential component to True Success.

As Morris says, it’s amazing how little we talk about virtuous living these days. In Mastery (see Notes), George Leonard tells us: “If you’re planning to embark on a master’s journey, you might find yourself bucking current trends in American life. Our hyped-up consumerist society is engaged, in fact, in an all out war on mastery.”

Yet, we KNOW that living with character is essential to our well-being.

So, here’s to diligently, patiently, persistently and playfully putting in the time and effort necessary to develop our courage, kindness, generosity, optimism, honesty, integrity and other virtues that constitute wonderful character!

Enjoyment. It’s the seventh element of True Success. What’s the point of all our striving and growth if we’re not enjoying the process?!

Tal Ben-Shahar also captures it beautifully in his great book Happier (see Notes for his brilliant description of the various archetypes!): “Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination we deem valuable. Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak.”