The Road to Character

Résumé virtues vs. eulogy virtues.

Although most of us would say that the eulogy virtues are more important than the résumé virtues, most of us spend WAY more time figuring out how to polish our résumés and get ahead in life than we do slowing down and thinking about who we are truly committed to being.

David connects this perspective to a book written by Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik called Lonely Man of Faith in which Soloveitchik describes the two creation stories in Genesis as Adam I and Adam II.

Adam I is all about external success.

Adam II is all about internal success.

Résumé virtues vs. eulogy virtues.

This metaphor of Adam I and Adam II is a theme throughout the book as David challenges us to explore our road to character and not slip into a “self-satisfied moral mediocrity” where we grade ourselves on a “forgiving curve” and, “in the process you end up slowly turning yourself into something a little less impressive than you had originally hoped. A humiliating gap opens up between your actual self and your desired self.”

It’s time to hold ourselves to higher moral standards.

Let’s shine a brighter light on our eulogy virtues.

Character.

The word comes from the ancient Greek kharaktēr which literally meant “a stamping tool.”

The word evolved to mean a “distinctive mark” and from that it evolved into “a description of a person, especially of a person’s qualities,” and finally to today’s sense of “distinguishing qualities.”

But I think it’s helpful to imagine the original meaning.

Your character is a stamping tool. Your character makes an imprint on EVERY single moment of your life.

And, every single moment of our lives gives us an opportunity to slowly reshape the dimensions of our stamping tool. Our character is engraved by a thousand small acts as we rewire our brains and essence and become a more noble version of ourselves.

Here’s to making our stamping tool a work of art.

That’s from the first chapter called “The Summoned Self.”

The first step on the road to character is to answer the summons from the world. To slow down long enough to LISTEN to what the world is asking of us and have the perspective and humility to see that it’s not all about getting precisely what we want every single moment of the day.

David shares the stories of Viktor Frankl and James Stockdale.

After losing his wife, mother, and brother in the horrors of concentration camps, Viktor Frankl tells us (see Notes on Man’s Search for Meaning): “It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”

James Stockdale spent seven and a half years in a North Vietnamese prison camp. Here’s how he puts it in Courage Under Fire (see Notes): “Epictetus turned out to be right. After a very crude operation, I was on crutches within a couple of months, and the crooked leg, healing itself, was strong enough to hold me up without the crutches in about a year. All told, it was only a temporary setback from things that were important to me, and being cast in the role as the sovereign head of an America expatriate colony that was destined to remain anonymous, out of communication with Washington, for years on end was very important to me. I was forty-two years old—still on crutches, dragging a leg, at considerably less that my normal body weight, with hair down near my shoulders, my body unbathed since I had been catapulted from the Oriskany, a beard that had not seen a razor since I arrived—when I took command (clandestinely, of course, the North Vietnamese would never acknowledge our rank) of about fifty Americans. That expatriate colony would grow to over four hundred—all officers, all college graduates, all pilots or backseat electronic wizards. I was determined to ‘play well the given part.’”

Frankl and Stockdale would *never* have deliberately chosen the roles they were asked to play. But, when summoned, they responded.

What does the world need from YOU?

Are you answering the call?

Remember this is our first step on the road to character.

P.S. Note: Our eyes and ears must be open and receptive to the summons. If we’re always manically chasing our next goal and constantly (!) blowing ourselves up with stimulation and notifications and entertainment, it’s very (!) easy to miss the call and feel that hollow sense of falling short of who we are capable of being but not quite sure why. Unplug. Go deep.

That’s from the second chapter on “Self-Conquest.”

After we answer the summons, we must master ourselves. We must have the humility to see our weaknesses and the courage to confront them.

In Habits 101 we walk through a nearly identical set of Ideas that James presents in his treatise.

Step 1? We need a Why-powered 100% ALL IN commitment. We need to kick off our new habit with as “strong and decided an initiative as possible.”

Then? We want to start super strong AND we don’t just want to be a hero in the beginning. We must “never suffer an exception.” We must NEVER miss a day. (And, if you do, make SURE you never miss two days!!)

Spotlight on you: Are you following those basic principles of creating awesome habits?

If so, #highfives. What’s the next habit you’re going to install? If not, how can you optimize your habit-building process a bit more and what habit will you apply it to?!

Here’s to conquering ourselves in service to our summons—the second step on the road of character.

P.S. Check out a free online version of William James’s “Habit” here. It’s awesome.

That’s from the final chapter of the book in which David shines a spotlight on the practical Ideas he touched on throughout the book and outlines a “Humility Code.”

The 1st (of 15) principles in that Code? “We don’t live for happiness, we live for holiness.”

Our lives are more of a MORAL drama than a hedonistic drama. It’s not about how much wealth, fame and hotness we can accumulate during our lives but rather how much virtue, character and holiness we can generate.

As John Stuart Mill tells us, we have a RESPONSIBILITY to become more moral over time.

And, when I see the word “tranquility” these days I’m reminded of Ryan Holiday’s wisdom in Ego Is the Enemy (see Notes) where he tells us: “According to Seneca, the Greek word euthymia is one we should think of often: it is the sense of our own path and how to stay on it without getting distracted by all the others that intersect it. In other words, it’s not about beating the other guy. It’s not about having more than the others. It’s about being what you are, and being as good as possible at it, without succumbing to all the things that draw you away from it. It’s about going where you set out to go. About accomplishing the most that you’re capable of in what you choose. That’s it. No more and no less. (By the way, euthymia means ‘tranquility’ in English.) …

So why do you do what you do? That’s the question you need to answer. Stare at it until you can. Only then will you understand what matters and what doesn’t. Only then can you say no, can you opt out of stupid races that don’t matter, or even exist. Only then is it easy to ignore ‘successful’ people, because most of the time they aren’t—at least relative to you, and often even to themselves. Only then can you develop that quiet confidence Seneca talked about.”

Why do YOU do what you do?

Answer your summons, conquer yourself and focus on holiness + service—letting the happiness and tranquility be a by-product of that commitment to something bigger than yourself.

That’s from a chapter on “Self-Examination” in which David profiles Samuel Johnson who tells us “The first step to greatness is to be honest.”

If we want to live with character we need to be willing to look at what’s not working.

And then, ideally, turn that weakness into one of our greatest strengths.

We touched on this theme in David and Goliath where Malcom Gladwell describes it as “turning disadvantages into advantages.” (See the Notes for more on that.)

For now, let’s do some self-examination.

Where are you weakest? How can you turn that into a strength?

I am weakest here: ________________________________________________.

I will strive to turn this into a strength by: _________________________________

______________________________________________________________.

For me? There’s no doubt that my struggles with inconsistent moods has catalyzed my growth. More recently, I became aware of my tendency to pursue too many big creative visions. I am excited to turn that weakness into a strength by focusing on ONE Thing and channeling all my best energy in a sustained direction.

Remember: “The deficiency became an incentive to perfect the associated skill. The hero becomes strongest at his weakest point.”

As you may have noticed and we’ve been discussed throughout this Note, our culture is ALL about building up the Big Me.

Of course, it’s important to have a strong sense of self but, in a world of the ubiquitous Selfie, it’s safe to say we’ve taken that just a bit too far.

We need to balance the power of trusting and expressing ourselves with the time required to build up our SOULS and remember that, ultimately, THAT is a way more important project and, in fact, is the engine to the external success as well.

Let’s join (and help create!) the counterculture of virtue.