It's Not About the Money

The Wanting Mind.

You know, that part of you that always wants just a little bit more. Brent perfectly captures this tendency in a quote from John D. Rockefeller who, when asked how much is enough, replied: “Just a little bit more.”

How about you? Can you feel the unending desires for more? A grasping for the next object of your desire coupled with a (false) sense of finally being happy once … you … get … that … next … thing ?!?! Always grasping… Never quite content with what is.

As Brent advises: “I am not saying that it is wrong to have these desires. But can you see how each of these thoughts, with its underlying foundation in ‘not enough,’ actually undermines our life right now, just as it is? Every single one of these thoughts presumes that we’d be happier or more secure if something were to change. And there would be no problem with this strategy… if we actually ended up happier after fulfilling our wants. But we don’t. We usually just end up wanting more.”

How does this show up in our financial lives? Just take a quick look at the massive debt and non-existent savings of the average American household—seemingly incapable of controlling the Wanting Mind’s desperate need for immediate gratification. So how do we address this challenge of the Wanting Mind? We need to create some:

Wanting Mind’s Desires vs. Heartfelt Goals. Brent offers some REALLY powerful distinctions. Whereas our Wanting Mind’s Desires are characterized by a predominant concern of how we’ll benefit, are sought after with childlike urgency, and competitive, our Heartfelt Goals serve something bigger than ourselves, are characterized by patience, are intrinsically motivated and are part of a deeper sense of meaning in our lives.

Brent walks us through a great exercise to differentiate between our Wanting Mind’s Desires and our Heartfelt Goals. You can get a quick taste of it by creating a list of your dreams and goals now and then take a look at how many of them look like your Wanting Mind vs. your Heartfelt Goals based on the descriptors above. As Brent says, “…there’s nothing inherently wrong with the desires of the Wanting Mind—it’s just that we are doomed to disappointment when we think they’ll bring any kind of lasting fulfillment.” For that, we need to discover and live our heartfelt goals…

Alright. So now we’ve taken a quick look at the Wanting Mind and the importance of Heartfelt Goals. That’s Chapter 1 in a (very small) nutshell. Next up: Understand that “The Unconscious Wins Every Time.” (That’s Chapter 2. :) … And, to understand the truth of that statement, we’ve gotta understand our:

Amen. THIS is the dominant theme of the book. Our Core story is running the show.

And, it’s buried beneath layers and layers of habits we’ve unconsciously created to deal with the script we’ve written for our life.

As Brent says, “A Four-Year-Old Runs Your Financial Life.” He suggests we think about how Jeru Kabbal describes our subconscious mind in Finding Clarity: “An iceberg floats with about nine-tenths of itself beneath the surface of the water, while only one-tenth shows above water. If we compare this to the mind, we could say that nine-tenths of the mind below the surface is the subconscious, and the part above the surface is the conscious mind… [S]uppose that our ‘iceberg’ is somewhere in the North Atlantic. The part that is below the water is considering floating up to the North pole for a vacation. At the same time, the part that is above the water is thinking of floating down to Sicily for a vacation there. Where do you think the iceberg will actually go for its vacation? Obviously, it’s going to go where the bigger part—the unknown part, the unseen part—wants to go. That’s where the power lies.”

Throughout the book, Brent provides powerful exercises to help us cast some light on how our unconscious Core Story has been running the show. And, in the light of our awareness, he gives us the tools to start consciously writing a new script—a script consistent with our highest ideals and no longer driven by our unexamined Core Stories.

Powerful stuff. A few of the many questions Brent poses to kick off the process of better understanding our Core Story:

• “What is your most painful memory related to money? …
• What is your biggest fear about money? …
• What were you taught was important about money? …
• When have you been most positively or negatively moved by money?”

As we gain a deeper understanding of how our conditioning is affecting our current behavior, Brent points out that the trick is to “identify and retain the healthiest parts of our story’s message, while at the same time letting go of the extreme and unhealthy behaviors and attitude it has engendered in us.”

You can learn more about your Core Story by engaging in the plethora of exercises in the book and by checking out BrentKessel.com where you can listen to an audio-guided self-inquiry that will help you gain a deeper understanding of your Core Story. And, as we embark on the journey of discovering our financial selves, remember, there are:

Ahhhh… The refreshing truth that there are NO quick fixes.

Yes, I’m a big fan of the idea that we can change our life in a weekend, but, as we both know, that’s not how it works. As we dig into the challenging areas of our lives (whether it’s our financial Core Story or relationship or health issues), it’s ALWAYS a good idea to keep the wisdom of patience and diligence and the long-term pursuit of mastery in mind, eh?

How about some more wisdom on that subject?

My favorite from Epictetus, the Roman Stoic philosopher who tells us: “No great thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.”

Or, how about Leonardo da Vinci: “He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a year.”

So, with a patient heart and mind, let’s take a quick peak at the archetypes Brent has created that address some of the common patterns we fall into in our financial lives.

As you look at the characteristics of each archetype and start to see flashes of yourself in some, remember Brent’s wisdom: “In my opinion, the optimal human being would be balanced among all eight of these archetypes. Who wouldn’t want to be the person whose financial life was experienced as secure and abundant, pleasure-filled and joyous, powerful and creative, self-sufficient, significant and worthy, relaxed, generous, and compassionate?”

Again, in the short space we have here, it’s impossible for me to go into detail on each of these archetypes (of course, get the book if this is resonating with you!).

For now, know this: “Identifying the archetypes that are most active within us is an important step toward creating true financial freedom. By bringing conscious awareness to what is unconscious, we can attain balance and a sense of control over our financial destiny.”

And, that’s exactly what chapters 3-10 are all about. One chapter per archetype with stories and exercises to help us understand which archetype shows up when and which one (or two or three) have proven to be dominant. AND, of course, what we can do about it with our new-found awareness…

From there, the final chapters include: “The Middle Way with Money,” “The Conscious Investor,” and “The Yoga of Money.” Here are a few of my favorite Big Ideas from those chapters:

The Middle Way.

Brent provides an awesome exercise to “Hold Both” the conditioned Core Story’s reflexive response to money challenges and our evolving “inner elder”—that part of us that is “most wise and divine within.” As Brent advises, it’s critical that we not completely reject our conditioned self as it has, and continues to play a valuable role in our lives. The trick, as always, is to bring consciousness to this part of our life and to find the Middle Way.

Beautiful.

How about you? How are you investing your life’s energy?

Keep in mind that: “Every major spiritual tradition states that we are all one. And the style of investing this chapter describes is a very practical application of that lesson.”

Brent devotes a chapter in which he expresses his mojo as the leader of one of the top 250 wealth management firms in the country (according to Bloomberg) as well as his compassionate vision as a devoted yogi to share the big picture of conscious investing. Here are a few quick highlights:

• First, follow the wisdom of John Bogle, founder of Vanguard Funds: “The reality is you don’t need to understand any of the complex aspects of the stock market. You don’t need to own stocks. You need to own the stock market.”
• And, understand that true diversification is all about “‘asset-class diversification’—in simple terms, putting your money into investments that move in different directions at different times.” :)
• Brent talks about not letting your emotions run the show with your investing and cites the Dalbar study which showed that the typical US investor in mutual funds from 1987-2006 grew $10,000 to $23,252, while a $10,000 investment in the S&P500 would’ve grown to $93,050 in the same time. As he says, that’s a pretty big cost to people letting their emotions run their money!
• Finally, how much do you pay your advisor? Brent STRONGLY recommends fee-only structures and reminds us that “a 1 percent increase in costs could require you to work an extra five years before retiring, or to send your child to a college that costs half as much as the one you could afford had you reduced your investment costs sooner.”

Wow.

How about you? Are you living with a generous heart?

As Piero Ferrucci, a transpersonal psychologist, says: “The most sensible way to look after our own self-interest, to find freedom and be happy, is not to directly pursue these things but to give priority to the interest of others. Help others to become free of their fear and pain. Contribute to their happiness. It’s all really very simple. You don’t have to choose being kind to yourself and others it’s one and the same.”

Joseph Goldstein, co-founder of Insight Meditation Society: “Generosity breeds an immediate kind of happiness, which is different than other practices, which often have a delayed positive reinforcement. This helps generosity beget more generosity with less and less effort.” And, from Brent: “It’s as though the laws of the universe bend for love. Financial laws bend. Temporal laws bend. Logistical constraints bend. By giving, we might just end up having more.”

If you’re as passionate about integrating your spirituality and economics as I am, it’s always a good sign when an author wraps up his book with: “We are free when we move from a focus on getting love, abundance, peace and freedom to being love, abundance, peace, and freedom.”