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Full Transcript

Michael Balchan 00:00

Timothy, you win. Amanda, great to see you. Dylan got Tom twice in one day. Elias, Georgina, GM, Lou, great to see you. Fired up, Steve, welcome. Got other luminaries in the house. Paul, fired up. Brandon Guyer, so good to have you back. This is your second one of these, third one of these. We lose track.

Brandon Guyer 00:25

I want to say second. Yeah, let's go.

Michael Balchan 00:27

And the new book, "Raise the Player, Not the Pressure," came out last week. Excited to dig into some of the ideas here. The Parent and Coach Playbook for Confident, Happy Athletes. Philosopher's Notes coming soon. I got a sneak preview of the Philosopher's Note. Great bio, dude. So, founder of Major League Mindset, seven-year MLB player, Hall of Fame Virginia baseball player, nickname La Piña. Is that still true? The highest hit by pitch. Is anyone coming after you?

Brandon Guyer 00:58

There was a player, but he stopped playing, so that's gone. But yeah, I still got it for now.

Michael Balchan 01:04

Hit that. Was it a double against the Cubs that almost kept our infinite streak of not winning a lot? Yeah.

Brandon Guyer 01:15

A double, and then the guy behind me hit a home run, but it wasn't meant to be.

Michael Balchan 01:20

But then took those lessons, and I think last time we talked a little bit about your career as a professional athlete, challenges with that, how you really learned to focus on the mental game and use the mind as an asset for you on the field, and really overcome some difficulties. And now just seeing what you're doing to help other young athletes, families learn to master the mental game. Have that major league mindset, whether that's as players, aspiring professional athletes, whether that's as parents, as coaches, and love the wisdom in the book. A lot of great ideas. Sean Casey there on the cover, a must read for any parent who wants to show up at their best for their child, so looking forward to digging into it today. Welcome back and fired up.

Brandon Guyer 02:08

Dude. Equally fired up, probably more fired up. I love this community. It's meant so much to me over the years since I retired in 2020. So, dude, super grateful for you doing this, for everyone joining, everyone watching this. It's an honor, so thank you.

Michael Balchan 02:22

I'm almost certain we talked about this already, but what's that on your left shoulder there?

Brandon Guyer 02:28

Right here?

Michael Balchan 02:29

Yeah.

Brandon Guyer 02:31

Areté.

Michael Balchan 02:33

This community knows what this word is.

Brandon Guyer 02:35

Sorry, what'd you say?

Michael Balchan 02:39

What's that word mean to you?

Brandon Guyer 02:41

Man, it means a lot. Obviously, excellence, virtue. It means do the right thing, not the easy thing. I think it's a mindset. It's a way of life. If we can do that consistently, I believe that chance favors that. Like it's just how the universe works. We catch more breaks. That's not why we do it, to catch those breaks. But when we just show up, and we're obviously not always going to want to do certain things that we know our Daimon is calling us to do.

But if we show up and do the right thing, not the easy thing, consistently, good things tend to happen for ourselves and for others. So when I think of Areté, I know Brian all the time talks about closing the gap. So parents, players, coaches, whatever we're doing, how can we close that gap? How can we, in the moment, express our best self? More than anything, with the athletes and parents I work with, it's a mindset. It's a way of life. It's repeatable excellence, just relentlessly pursuing the best version of ourselves.

I like to think of it as a game of tag because I know Ryan talks about playing the ultimate game, but like I think we're all athletes. So what if we can make it a game where we're just relentlessly chasing down our best self? Then of course it doesn't end. We tag that version. That version leads us to the next best self. That next best self continues to go on and on. But at the end of the day, I always bring it back to do the right thing, not the easy thing.

Michael Balchan 04:05

Do the right thing, not the easy thing. Got the reminder there on the forearm too. You actually inspired a whole large group of folks to get into the Areté tattoo game. Parents, you've got three kiddos. Is that right?

Brandon Guyer 04:21

Yep.

Michael Balchan 04:22

How old?

Brandon Guyer 04:24

Daughter's 11, son's 10, another son is seven.

Michael Balchan 04:27

Okay, and as you went on this journey of supporting athletes, right, aspiring professional athletes, and then also the journey of trying to be your best to raise those kiddos to be their best in whatever way. How much has parenting shaped the work that you're doing at Major League Mindset, and how do they play off each other?

Brandon Guyer 04:51

A lot. I think it was Alan Watts who said, "Goes with," right? Did he coin that phrase? Light goes with darkness. Success goes with failure. Good goes with bad. Parenting goes with challenges, and obviously being a parent is hard work. It's a challenge, especially when you mix in competitive sports as well. This was a big part of the book. So, first off, I come from a place of very deep respect because I know how challenging it is. Just you and I scheduling this.

I already had a minor dad fail where I forgot I had to pick up my kid at camp. My wife's going in one direction, I'm going the other, and that's why we had to cut this off at 2:30 Eastern time. So, like, it's hard. It's challenging, and so when I retired in 2020, and now I'm home with them all the time, because in the past I was going to spring training and being in season for six or seven months. They were with me, but sometimes they weren't.

But then when I retired, I'm with them at all times. So it was a lot different. Now I'm with them.

Okay, this is challenging, and this is when I got into Heroic and Philosopher's Notes and all that stuff, and it was like the perfect time because it helped so much with that new chapter of my life, and in this book I try to bring my whole perspective from playing organized sports for over 30 years, playing in the big leagues for close to a decade, raising three kids, and them now being in the heart of the youth sports world that can just be absolutely crazy.

And I created a program called Major League Parents four years ago, and with the feedback from that, I was like, I want to try to get this out to the masses. Not that I have it all figured out, because trust me, I'm not perfect. We all fall short, especially when it comes to parenting. But try to put this like "playbook" together and share it, and just share everything I've learned through my journey.

And it's definitely been a lot of ups and downs on the field, off the field, with my wife, with the three kids, and package it all into something. And so, for my work as Major League Mindset, for Major League Mindset and for the parent book, it's 100%. It all translated and helped bring everything together.

Michael Balchan 07:14

And how do you think about the relationship between a parent and a coach? I coached my daughter's soccer team for the first time last fall. I had so much fun. So in that role, I feel like I had to put aside the parent hat really and be the coach. Thankfully, a lot of great mentors, and I was more the parent that you talk about in the book than any kind of formal coach. But how do you think about that parenting versus coaching as individual roles, as a combined role for those of us who are parents who are coaching our kids' teams? How do you delineate, if at all?

Brandon Guyer 07:50

Yeah, well, I like to start with when I'm going out and I'm working with teams or organizations, I always tell all of them, "Have the parents come, please," and when they're there, I ask them three questions at the beginning. I say, "Okay, what percentage of your game, whatever sport you're playing, do you feel is mental?" A lot of them, no matter what sport it is, will say around 90%. Then I like to say, "Okay, what percentage of the time do you intentionally train it?" These are questions to the athletes for the most part.

And a lot of players, if they're honest, they'll say zero to 5% of the time, they train the 90% of the game that really accounts for everything. And then the third question is, and hopefully all the parents are there. I say, "Parents, who are your players using, or who is their mental skills coach? What are they doing to train their mind, and who is helping them?" And a lot of them are kind of looking around. Maybe they point to me, and I like to say no, don't point to me.

Point that finger back at you, because as parents, whether we think of it or not, we, we're with our athletes all the time. We have the biggest impact on their athletic success, or just success in general in life. And so, as parents, we're our own kids' mental skills coach. I call it mental strength training, but whatever you want to call it, we are that. And so once parents really understand that, and I believe as parents we can either propel our athlete to a whole new level or hold them back more than anything.

And so once they realize that and they can start training it, I forget the quote from Wooden. I think it's, "Your own example counts most." When we as parents can realize that, and realize that our kids, at all ages, are watching what we do, and the mindset we model becomes the mindset that they adopt. And so if we know that, and one of my favorite quotes of all time: "Your own example counts most."

Well, at the end of the day, we are the mental skills coach, and yeah, we are their parents, and we want to be their parent. But they're watching us, and if we can learn this stuff, even at just a basic level, we can reinforce it. We can speak the same language, and so Michael, to get back to you: Like, whether you're a coach, whether you're a parent, and whether you're doing both. I think the same principles apply, and literally, like I have a couple things here.

Like for the teams I coach, my sons' 10U and 8U teams, we have this chain at the end, and at the bottom it says, "Control the controllables." It goes to whoever did it the best. So constantly as a parent and as a coach, this is all I'm preaching. Basically, control the controllables. Easier said than done. Simple in theory, harder in practice. But this is what I want them focused on. And the scoreboard, sorry for that, the scoreboard for them is this, and this is what hangs in the dugout. They're called the Pirates.

So they have a PIRATES standard, and with the acronym P, powerful body language, I, intentional breathing. We have this, and this is what I'm grading them on as a team at the end of games when we go over the win or learn process, and on the car ride to games when I'm talking to my kids. The last thing I want is for them to be outcome-attached and outcome-focused. So, hey Camden or Riley or Cooper, what controllables do you really want to focus on today? I'm really having them pick one to two, maybe three controllables.

All right, that's your scoreboard. You know what? Have fun, play hard, do your best, let go of the rest. Taking that from Ryan Holiday, I absolutely love that. Do your best, let go of the rest. And I'm going off on this, Michael, because parent and coach, because I do that for a lot of their teams with different sports, that's all. I'm literally saying the same stuff, and we can get into the car ride and all that stuff, which is super important.

We can get into it at some point today, but I don't know if that directly answers your question. But I like to think of it as the same thing. And at the end of the day, we are the mental skills coaches. So how can we learn this? How can we model what we want, how we want them to go about doing things, and everything. Michael, it comes back to winning isn't the goal; becoming a winner is. And so, if we can, that's like the north star. Brian talks about the WIT, the wildly important target.

If that can be our wildly important target, and everything we do is directed toward that, winning isn't the goal, becoming a winner is. It's about helping them build this identity, knowing that sports literally is the ultimate training ground for life. It's the practice field for discipline, for courage, for confidence, for character, for leadership. And if we look at it like that, and we're attached to that, and we're detached from the trophies, the scholarships, the contracts. This is stuff I see all the time, and really, why I wanted to write this book.

Again, I don't have all the answers, but from what I've seen over the past six years coaching all these travel teams, and whether it's parents on our teams or parents and coaches on other teams, what I see on a daily basis, it's mind-boggling, and it's like at the end of the day, we should want our kids to go out and play free. Like three words I say all the time: free and loose. Free. How can they play free and loose? Because when they do that, they're going to enjoy the game more.

They're going to have more confidence, and they're going to perform better. We want them detached from the outcomes and results, and the trophies and the scholarships and stuff. But if parents are attached to that stuff, well, then it seeps into the players. And I know I said a lot there, but yeah, I guess I'll stop because I can keep going.

Michael Balchan 13:09

Yeah, winning isn't the goal; becoming a winner is right. That goes back to chasing our best self, and it's that process focus. But like becoming a winner and using sports as a training ground for life, I know that's featured heavily in the book too, and all of the work that you do now. That's the entire philosophy. That's the foundation. But let's say we're on board. All right, you got us, you sold us. How much of your game is mental? Are you training it? Who's your number one coach?

Well, shoot, it is me, the parent, and it's my demonstration. The mindset that I'm demonstrating is the one that they're going to adopt. What are some of those foundational pillars, whether that's frameworks or ideas or techniques that I want to be implementing as a parent, as a coach, that I want to help my kids to implement, whether that's before the game or during the game or after the game? What are some of these foundational pieces that just really set the stage?

Brandon Guyer 14:02

Sure. So I don't mention it in the book actually. So we'll save that for version two. But the main framework actually started about six months ago with all the teams and athletes I work with. So I call it the 5Cs, the 5Cs to Play Free. It rhymes, but I feel like it really helps simplify winning the mental game. So it's clarity, control, charge, consistency, and confidence. All athletes want confidence, but so many athletes rely on results for it. So that's not true, authentic, unbreakable, antifragile confidence. So clarity, control, charge, consistency, confidence.

Clarity is kind of what we just talked about. A lot of parents and players are attached to the wrong thing, and they're playing the wrong game. So if we can play the right game of chasing the winner version, the disciplined, courageous, confident leader version of us, and that's what we're chasing. We're playing that game. It's crazy how it works. Well, more of the other stuff comes as a byproduct, and you win more often when you do that.

Like on our team, winning is at the very bottom of the values, but it just so happens we win a lot more because we're focused on the other stuff, and we try to focus and have good, very specific details, small minor detail on those very important things. So, it all starts with the C, clarity, getting great clarity on what that game is, and then how to play it well. We already talked about. I'm not making things up here. It's Areté. Like, how can everything come back to that mindset, that way of life?

So that's C1, clarity. C2 is control. Kind of just mentioned it. Control what? Control the controllables. So that's what I want for players who want this chain. Well, you don't get it for going three for three or throwing three touchdowns. You get it for how you respond to adversity. What kind of teammate are you when things aren't going your way? How are you being intentional with your routines?

And this is stuff as coaches we all look for at all times because we want to help them just take out the guesswork, and okay, you do this at a high level, and it's in your control. Well, you're going to feel better. When we feel better, we play better. So that's control of controllables. And I mean, I'm not saying anything new here. I believe it's the separator between athletes. Like it's not physical talent.

I believe it's mental toughness, and the separator, the foundation of mental toughness, is knowing what we can control and what we can't, and putting all of our focus on that. I'm a brutal artist, but I believe the most important line we can ever draw is the line between what's in our control and what's not, and become great at putting all of our energy on that. It's a skill just like any skill for anything in life, as parents, as players, as coaches, we got to get reps. And the great thing about sports, it's our training ground.

It gives us so many reps to develop the skill of controlling the controllables. And too many players and parents, and again, I'm not perfect. We focus, and those things then control us. They live rent free in our head. But when we stop fighting what we can't control, it frees up so much energy to put on what we can. And a sub kind of framework for control, I call it the three Bs. This isn't in the book, but for players, it's breath, body language, bring it on.

So if you can, I call them Killer B's, not bees, but the Killer B's. What they kill is fear, anxiety, frustration, negativity. They kill the dreaded downward spiral that players that all of us at times can get into. So subset of the control of controllables, and a lot of times for my kids going into competition, we rank them one to 10. So after games, we kind of score their number one intention for going into competition.

Number one intention, dominate the Killer B's, and then after the game, we're like, "Okay, hey, Riley, when she's ready and wants to talk about it, how would you grade yourself with those Killer B's during competition?" She grades it, and we go from there. So that's C. Do you want me to go through the other three real quick, Michael?

Michael Balchan 18:10

Yeah, clarity, control.

Brandon Guyer 18:12

Clarity, control, charge. Now this is something Brian talks about a lot. What is this? Charge ourselves. We are a battery. EIYE, Energy Is Your Edge. When we feel better, we play better. When we're more energized, we have better responses. We don't emotionally react; we intentionally respond. We're in a better mood. We're nicer. We're more punctual. We just show up differently. So how can we become more energized than ever? It's very similar to everything you all talk about.

I did this when I played, but now to put it into a structure, I call it BESST: Breathing, Eating, Sleeping, Self-discipline, and Training, and the training is mentally and physically, and the one thing I really get across to players and parents is the intentional breathing part, the B of BESST, and I created that acronym BESST because it helps us show up as that best version of ourselves. I have focal-point stickers, like this little toilet here that's always in our dugout to remind them to flush mistakes.

Focal point sticker says breathe right here, but man, I believe there's so much when it comes to the mental game we can give to our players, but the number one highest leverage, most immediate thing is teaching them how to master their breath and to tie a one-word focus to it. So with our breath, I think of it as a magic pill. It will increase their focus and concentration, decrease stress and anxiety, help them slow the game and their mind down, help them get to the present moment.

We try to like teach them to be very competitive. It's not about winning, but we got to learn how to compete in life. So you're going to be frustrated when you don't get your way and things don't go your way. How can you go from that state to just this grounded, calm, confident state? Well, it's something that's free to take and there are no negative side effects, only positive ones, and it's their breath. I do a thing called Chats with Pros with Major League Mindset. I had Patrick McKeown on. I think Brian introduced us.

He's a great breathing expert. He came on and joined us. The breath has been everything to me since 2004, when I started getting into the mental game, so when I played, I had this stitched in my wristband, and so for the longest time, it's been everything. But he said something I had never heard of. This was about seven months ago, and he said, "Brandon, your brain is spying on your breath." He said, "I think it's called the pre-Bötzinger complex of nerve cells in your brain." Those cells are literally there.

And so, when we have shallow breathing, or it's rushed or we don't finish it, we're literally telling our brain something's wrong. It's like a danger signal. So it's going to shoot cortisol into our system. Players and parents, if we're watching games, we're going to get tight and tense. Remember, we want the opposite: free and loose. So how can we tell our brain, "Hey, you're good. We're safe. Everything's under control." A correct breath, I call it a big-league breath, is a slow, meaningful breath.

We can tell ourselves in those big moments, in highly anxious moments, when our son or daughter is about to hit in big moments or a big free throw, and we're getting kind of anxious about games. Bring it back to the breath. Bring it back to the breath. So, Michael, I know I'm going on and on here, but I'm just going to finish these frameworks. So, clarity, control, charge to be more energized. Next is consistency. For this, it's like how can we help parents and players turn success into a system?

I like to think of like an operating system for repeatable excellence, for repeatable Areté, because for a lot of players and parents, pregame, in-game, and postgame are random. The system's made up of five routines, AM and PM, like we talk about a lot on Heroic, dominate the bookends. The great day starts the night before, like Brian says all the time, and I know you do. Then pregame, in game, postgame, pregame, in game, postgame. So a lot of players and parents, those are random. And when you have random routines, you're going to get random results.

How can we stack the odds, create structure, and just become this machine of consistency? It's repeatable routines lead to those reliable results we are after, and so that's what C4, consistency, is about. Developing those, we can talk about those later, especially what's good for parents for those crucial parts of the game: pregame, in game, postgame, and then last, all of it leads to confidence. The fifth C. The first four, if you're really good with them, lead to that fifth C, and you already know the kind of confidence I'm talking about.

It's antifragile confidence, not the fake confidence you get from results. Not relying on that, the confidence we build brick by brick, and build this belief, this unbreakable trust. Not that things are going to go great, but that without a doubt we can handle everything that comes our way. We are unbreakable. We're undeniable, and we just say, "Bring it on," to everything. We have to earn that trust, and you already know it's seven letters. Do what you say you will do. And I'm bringing this framework up.

It's not in the book, but it's the same for players. It's the same for parents. It's the same for coaches, hands down. So, a long way of me answering your question.

Michael Balchan 23:21

Dude, I was sitting here thinking about the last time we talked and watching you in your journey and just feeling the growth mindset and all these principles and practices like at play in you and the wisdom that's coming from you. There's a degree of ownership and clarity and just tightness and pointedness, and you going through the frameworks. It's just really fun to see you and your own evolution in the journey, and hearing the firehose come out, but with all those pieces dialed. And so, I love all the frameworks. Obviously, very much aligned.

Some pieces that folks will be like, "Oh, yeah, I've heard that," and other pieces they're like, "Oh, that's a great take on it that I can't wait to dominate." I do want to go to two things.

You mentioned getting to the pregame, mid game, postgame routines for parents, but before we do that, I want to step back to and talk about fun, because as we're thinking about competing and sports being this beautiful place to practice getting knocked down and not being able to control something and learning to control the controllables and all these different frameworks and things and even the idea of the rigor and the discipline that comes down to, okay, what's your number one intention, how did we do from one to 10, how can we do better, and trying to bring all these frameworks which are process oriented and ultimately about being a winner and not winning.

Winning happens to be a nice byproduct. I imagine it can also become easy to have that be the thing we're trying to win at: "Oh, let me win at doing all the routines and getting it perfectly." I still want to make sure that we're having fun, and not that doing these things isn't fun. And when we do these things, control controllables, like we can create more fun.

But talk to us about the importance of fun, of play, how to make sure that stays central, even as we're working to be our best and compete at the highest level we possibly can, and execute the 5Cs and all the other things.

Brandon Guyer 25:20

Yeah, dude, spot on, and it comes back to those three words. Like, I think as humans and players, coaches, whatever we're doing, if we can be free and loose, we're going to most likely have more success or increase our odds. And as athletes, as anyone, whatever we're doing, especially if it's out of our comfort zone, we should just want to increase our odds and let everything else just take care of itself. So fun, yeah. Like that's what it's all about. A huge study by George Washington University asked a lot of kids about fun.

Fun was ranked number one. Winning, I believe, was ranked 48th when asked, "Why do you play sports and why do you continue to play sports?" Other reasons were being active, liking your teammates, and having coaches who listen and show respect. But fun was number one, and what was mind-boggling when I researched this for the parent course four or so years ago was this: 70% of kids quit organized sports by the age of 13. Like that, just that can't be acceptable. Even around 50% can't be acceptable. Why are so many kids quitting organized sports?

Hands down, I think it's the pressure that maybe the kids put on themselves, but the parents put on them. And yeah, some pressure is good. Like pressure from the game will build us, especially if we know how to handle it and we have these tools. We're antifragile. We say bring it on. We win or learn. We reflect. We use it as data and all this stuff. It's a great thing, and it builds us. It builds us. I like to think it makes us into warriors.

But when you add that pressure with the pressure from parents living vicariously through them, or constantly yelling at them before the game, saying, "Oh, do this." After the game, "Do this." During the game, "Do this." Well, now the player is just all over the place, and it takes away that word fun. And then it doesn't build warriors, it builds worriers, and they go through, and they are constantly thinking, "Is my self-worth, and how my parents and family look at me, based on how I'm doing right now, or am I good no matter what?"

Because if it's I'm good no matter what, they will play free and loose more consistently. It's impossible not to. Now there could be other things that players deal with. I have three kids, and honestly, one of them is a big challenge, and it's going to be maybe the biggest challenge of my life because he doesn't handle failure well. He's just kind of naturally his whole life has kind of been a little bit more negative in a way or pessimistic.

So helping him, and the word I say to him all the time is another three-letter word: not fun. It's "yet." "Dad, I can't do this." He just started trying golf. Literally, after two shots: "I suck at golf." "No, son, you're not good yet." And so it's funny. God gave me this huge challenge, but hey, bring it on. This is what we train for. But when fun goes away, this game, this life becomes very hard. So less pressure, more fun equals way more success. The game is going to give so much pressure.

Let that be the only pressure. And when we know that, well, I believe the fear of failure, which I think holds players back more than anything, won't be so prevalent, right? And they won't worry so much about their parents. As parents, we're really the signal for our kids at games like our presence, our body language, how, when they look at us after they make a mistake, Like literally, MB, when my kids are playing, whether I'm a first-base coach or wherever, if I'm in the stands, whatever happens throughout the game, I'm doing this 1-4-3, 1-4-3, 1-4-3.

I want them to know that, whether they fall short or crush it, I don't care. I want you to do your best, and I love you either way. So if they can see me, and a lot of us can have our kids know that when they look at us, yeah, we want them to do great. But there is no pressure. There's no pressure to do great, and they're going to have more of that three-letter word fun.

And when they have more fun, they will be free and loose, and that number, I believe, Michael, is going to drop way below the 70% right now. And how many? I just think of how many good talented players. There's just wasted God-given natural ability if they're quitting by the age of 13 because they just can't take it anymore, and they've lost the fun. There's no enjoyment. So it really gets to me, knowing that stat. Parents don't have bad intentions.

It's just the sports culture, especially in youth sports, is full of bad information, and so they're getting all this information. They think these are the right things because so many people are doing it, but that's not how it is. Being in the middle of it right now, I see it every day when I'm out there. And if we can just bring more fun back, everything will change.

Michael Balchan 30:10

I love that commitment too. Like if sports are the training ground for life and an opportunity for us to apply all these skills in an environment where we've got that instant feedback, where there's so much that's not in our control, where people are literally competing for the same thing, and there is a winner and a loser in the game. We can all be winners, being winners, right?

But like, if that is such a powerful training ground for life, and so many kids are exiting it, we're losing the opportunity for that training for the rest of our lives. But you mentioned the importance of parents being a signal, which I know is a big theme, and then that unconditional love. It's not about what they do on the field that makes you be there for them, loving them unconditionally. We just had Michael Neill, awesome, brilliant coach, and he was talking about parents. Like, look, 90% of it is keeping them alive and safe.

The rest is up to them. Like I really don't have any control over what they're doing. Maybe a little coach in them, but like keep them alive and safe. And I think for a parent in the athlete in the field, is like that 1-4-3, "I love you," and that it doesn't matter. There's no performance you can give that's going to make you less whole, less worthy of my love and affection. That foundation creates that sense of being free and loose. So I don't know if you want to touch on that.

The parent as signal a little more, go into some of these specific routines or practices that we can do to be that signal to them pregame, mid game, postgame.

Brandon Guyer 31:35

Yeah, no. So one thing you made me think of is we talked about it earlier, and everything is like that North Star, winning isn't the goal, becoming a winner is, and I always like to think of something. I know this community knows a lot about the All Blacks rugby team. Their whole mantra: Better people make better All Blacks. When we develop the person, the player will naturally follow.

And so, for the players I work with and the parents who take part, I share that at the beginning of the book, and I want to get this across: this is all about identity, like the identity of a winner. And so I like to think be, do, have. I think it was James Clear. He said, "Identity equals repeated beingness." So, be, do, have. Be that winner, that disciplined, courageous, focused leader. That will lead you to do the things a winner does and then have the things a winner wants. Now, obviously, that's out of our control.

We can greatly influence it with our process. But like, if we can instill in our players and ourselves too, be, do, have, be that version of you that you can and want to become, on the field, off the field, in our work, in our love, in general, be, do the things that version would do, and have. Everything, Michael, comes back to identity.

And again, if that's the north star, and we know that as parents, then when our kids are going out there, whether it's before the game, during the game, after the game, at any point, it all ties back to that, and if the player knows that, they will show up differently. I know I said that a lot today, but like, it's all about what version of them is showing up.

As any kind of athlete, at any level, we just want to stack the odds, give ourselves the best chance, give our team, if it's a team sport, the best chance. So I did want to hit on that because when they become that winner, they achieve way more than they ever thought possible. But again, they have more fun than ever. Then they stick around longer, and then they can truly find out how good they can be, which is the ultimate game, right? Both on and off the field.

So yeah, wanted to say that, but if you wanted to talk about the pregame, in game, postgame, or anything, would love to. Can't hear you right now. Maybe it's my computer.

Sonia | Team Heroic 33:54

Yeah, we lost your audio.

Michael Balchan 33:58

So how do we go about doing that?

Brandon Guyer 34:00

There we go.

Michael Balchan 34:03

Pre-game, mid-game, post-game. How do we go about actually helping our kids become winners?

Brandon Guyer 34:08

Yes. So first, with players, I talked about it earlier. It's an operating system for repeatable excellence. Those five things: AM, PM, pregame, in-game, postgame. So I'm just going to talk about the pre-game, in-game, post-game. Pregame for players is about how we can go in calm, confident, and ready to crush it. "Separation is in preparation." Preparation builds confidence mentally and physically, but especially mentally, where we go in and literally feel like we've earned the right to succeed.

Anything we are doing in life, if we have that true belief inside this undeniable stack of proof that we've earned the right to succeed-gosh, it goes so far. Whatever we're doing in life, the pregame routine gives them a set mental checklist. For my kids before the game, I like to do visualization with them. By the way, I don't make them do this. If they don't want to on a certain day, that's cool. We don't have to visualize. Plant the seeds, but I also want them to know what situations during a game make them spiral.

You have to know yourself to control yourself. So, what is it? Is it when you strike out your first at bat? Is it when you make an error in the field? Is it when you drop a ball while playing receiver? If my daughter in lacrosse has a wide-open shot and misses it, or gets a good pass and drops it, what would make the old version of her spiral? Visualize that and how you're going to respond. You're mentally rehearsing, so when it does happen, boom, they know how to respond and not emotionally react.

We set, like we talked about earlier, the intention. So, like, what controllables do you really want to focus on? We give them that one-word focus, and those two things, Michael. Breath, self-talk. Breath, self-talk. For baseball and softball players, the most important time of competition, the time in between pitches, so the 10 to 15 seconds in between pitches. As a parent and coach, I want to give my son, my daughter, and all the players I'm fortunate to coach the tools they need to win that time.

Again, they're going to have more fun because they are in complete control, stacking the odds in their favor. So breath and self-talk. Really, breathing correctly and having that one word. I mentioned earlier that my one word when I played was control. I'm taking a breath. I'm tying the word breath to it. It was a one-word focus. Really, we can't not think, but we can replace our thoughts, and we can replace it with that one word. So having that one word tied to our breath, so powerful. And there's more. There's meditation, counting numbers. I'll stop there.

But that's pregame. And as parents, knowing we are their mental skills coach, if they don't have anyone they work with, we can help them with it during competition. I said, "Win that most important time of the game." But as parents, we want to fill the emotional tank. A lot of parents drain that emotional tank because the players are constantly looking. If they make a mistake, Dad or Mom is shaking their head. The kid is hitting: "Oh, elbow up, Johnny. Oh, don't swing at this. Oh, do this, do that."

And now he's thinking about the ball coming, which is hard to do. He's thinking about his mechanics. Thinking about not letting parents down. He wants to come through for his team. Can he still come through? Sure, but the odds are going to be so much lower, and there's going to be so much tension and pressure. So, how can we, as parents during competition, just be their biggest fan? Clap for them. I love the 1-4-3. I clap. I smile.

But at the end of the day, honestly, I will, and they know it will piss me off if they don't do what they said they would do. Meaning the controllables. Players know one way to get me a little heated, and once again, I'm not perfect, but I will get heated if they don't have good effort or a good attitude. If they don't respond well to adversity, if they start to look at an umpire and throw their hands up and become a victim, that is the only thing I will ever talk to them about.

Really, that gets to me. So, as parents, if we can know that and fill their emotional tank, be their biggest fan during competition. And then postgame, however long the car ride is, I believe that time is the most important time of the entire day. When the kid gets in the car after a rough game, are we immediately correcting them? "You should have done this. You should have done that." Because kids are going to dread it, and again, it's going to take away the fun during the game.

They're going to think about the car ride home, and I was so blessed. I'm so literally grateful. I think about it all the time. I grew up with just my dad. My parents divorced when I was really young. Grew up with my dad. Emotionally, he was amazing, and I literally never had to worry, "Hey, I was 0 for four, and now the car ride is going to feel like an 0 for 10 because he's just going to crush me." He would always just tell me, "Trust yourself. Go out there and have fun."

And so, literally, all I say to my kids: Have fun, play hard, do your best, let go of the rest. And so, in the car ride, if I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't talk about it. If my kids don't want to, I don't talk about it. But I never during games be like, oh God, if I don't get a hit here, what's this car ride going to be like now?

So again, it allowed me to play free and loose, and that's all we can ask for, and so the car ride is really about focusing on connection over correction, and just leading with love, lead with love before the game, lead with love during it, lead with love after. It all comes back to that. We as parents want to bring the best out of our child.

Well, I believe the love's going to help, and again, if that is the North Star, if winning isn't the goal, becoming a winner is, we will show up differently as parents and as coaches, and give our players or son or daughter the best chance to do that.

Michael Balchan 40:18

You mentioned your dad says trust yourself, then have fun, go out there, compete, etc. How important are those last words, and how do you encourage parents to think about them?

Brandon Guyer 40:30

Yeah, very. There's no attachment to any outcome. As players, we want to, especially when you get to the higher levels, we want to succeed. Like obviously, we're competitors. We want to succeed. So a lot of players are already putting pressure on themselves. So adding even more expectations, again, there are going to be outliers. You get Tiger Woods and his dad. There will be outliers where it worked out, but without a doubt, you talk about 70% quit before the age of 13. I bet it's about 95% of the parents who do try that approach.

It doesn't work. So how can we detach from outcomes, attach to controllables, attach to, "Hey, I'm here for you, I'm your fan. You have literally no pressure to succeed." I will love you the same, whether you go and you score three goals, whether you get three hits, whether you pitch great, whether you don't. All I ask is you do your best and let go of the rest. And if we can do that, man, I believe that 70% is going to drop down without a doubt, and then we enable our player to be free and loose.

Michael Balchan 41:46

I love it, and I'm going to circle back on like the one thing that gets me heated is when they don't control the controllables, right? Because I think just as sports is that training ground for life, and it's easy to hear all these concepts and think about like, oh yeah, that sounds good, and I can't wait to do that, and all those kinds of things. But what happens in that moment where it actually becomes hard? Right, you've got the kid who says, "I suck at this," after two swings.

My older daughter and younger daughter have different approaches to life and sports in general, and so we have to take those different paths. And there are a few things in life that give me more opportunities to practice course correcting, getting back to a good sort of protocol than moments with them.

But go to some of those moments when you're working real hard to try and help the kids do all these things and control the controllables, and yet you, imperfect human being like we all are, get a little heated because some kid does something to the ref. How do you recalibrate your own self in that moment, and how important is that moment as a demonstration to them of okay, cool, they flipped off the ref or whatever.

You're not going to flip off them for them not doing the thing that you asked them to do, and it actually becomes that really powerful signal.

Brandon Guyer 43:10

Yeah, man. I come back to John Wooden: "Your own example counts most." So in those moments, it's like I got to practice my philosophy. As upset as I am, if I'm telling them, "Don't let the umpires get to you. Don't let the other team get to you. Don't let whatever get to you." And I think what holds players back the most is the thoughts, opinions, and decisions of others. So like, if I let them get to me, then I'm not practicing the very thing I told them to do.

So yes, it gets me upset, and I don't ever yell, but it does get to me, and I have to just practice my philosophy. I always come back to the breath, like it's a basic, but basics are best. So in those moments, I breathe. I think if we ask, we always have the answers inside. If we can slow down enough to ask ourselves questions. As I tell players, and I mentioned it earlier, Michael: "What things could make you spiral or get you really irritated or frustrated?" Okay, think about that.

So I have to think about it. I know certain players on the team, and I know that one son of mine is going to do certain things that trigger me. But if I'm aware that these situations will probably happen, then I can use what I call the two A's: awareness plus action. Then I can take action, the right action in the moment. But if I'm not aware that's happening, well, then I'm just going to emotionally react. So could I be better at it at times? For sure. But I'll take that, because why?

I'm never going to get like that if they don't come through because of something out of their control. Never. So if they know, oh, dad or coach will only get upset with me if I don't hustle, if I don't respond well, if I don't have a good attitude, if I'm not a good teammate, okay, well those things are in my control. That's what I want the player to see, and that's just my goal going into every game. Give them everything they need, use their tools, and remind them of their tools before competition.

Remind them of the true scoreboard that really matters. And then, how can I just show up through all the umpire calls and all this stuff? It's like I've gotten so many reps that they don't even get to me anymore. And so yes, I could get better with the players when they don't control the controllables, but it's a skill. I feel like I'm getting better, but it's a never-ending challenge.

Michael Balchan 45:31

Let's say you've got a friend, a parent, whatever it is, and they come to you and say, "My son or daughter is just starting to really get into it, and they're starting to develop a talent, and they can tell that like the mental game is the next opportunity for them to really show up and approach it differently." Where do you start them?

Brandon Guyer 45:54

That's a great question. So a lot of times, I think there's three things that hold players back because a lot of times, even if the parents want that, a lot of players don't. So first reason is they don't want to, or they don't think they need to. But once we get across that this is about 90% mental, why would you not want to train that side of the game? So we get that across, making sure the start doesn't stop them. Next, I ask them, okay, what's 1% of our day?

And this community might know that it's 14 minutes, 24 seconds. When it comes to the mental side, I'm not asking you to do hours. How can you train it? Use 1% of your day to get 1% better mentally. And then really, where I like to start is with this fixed and growth mindset. I like to think of it as average or major league mindset to put a sports twist on it. Like, okay, what's your focus, your confidence, your mental toughness, your discipline? They think that's what you're born with.

But where they are right now isn't set in stone, even though a lot of players think it's just who they are. But once they realize they can train their mind just like their body and develop their mental skills like their physical skills, everything changes for them. So getting across the power of the mind and that they can train it intentionally, and I like to think when they do, they get the key to the most powerful weapon in the world: their mindset.

What it really does is this: It chips away at what's in the way: fear of failure, inability to handle adversity, lack of routines, lack of self-discipline, and limiting beliefs. If they can chip away at those five things, well, then it's like Michelangelo said with the statue of David. He just chipped away to get to it. Well, if they chip away, they get to their masterpiece, and then again, they can truly find out how good they can be.

If that means you crush it in high school, you're blessed to go to college, minor leagues, big leagues, or whatever your sport is. Cool. Well, you did your part, and so there's no regret, and so with players, I often start there. But hands down, Michael, any player I start with, after I do that, it's winning isn't the goal. Don't come to me if all you want to do is win. If you want to become a winner, come to me.

Come to me if you want to become someone you've never been, because to get what you've never had, you need to become someone you've never been, and if you want to become that individual, you want to become a winner. I'll give you everything you need, and you just need to supply the discipline. You just need to pay the price. So that's typically where we start and go over the one word, Areté, and from there we're kind of off and running.

Michael Balchan 48:18

Beautiful. What have you been writing?

Brandon Guyer 48:22

Say that.

Michael Balchan 48:22

What have you been writing down? That's my thing.

Brandon Guyer 48:26

No, the training ground, the intentions. It's like when you're talking, I want to just make sure little things come to me. The John Wooden quote, "Your own example counts most." That kind of stuff.

Michael Balchan 48:39

I love it. I know we're going to shift roles here, get you into parent mode. Is there anything, knowing this community, knowing all the work that you've done, the emphasis on the new book, and do check it out. It's a week old. Raise the Player, Not the Pressure. The Parent and Coach Playbook for Confident, Happy Athletes. If you do get the book, if you like it, or if you're listening to this session, you like what Brandon shared. Go over to Amazon, leave a review, celebrate it, buy it for your friends who've got kids that are in sports. All different things. But knowing all the things we've talked about, is there anything we haven't yet that you really want to make sure that we cover?

Brandon Guyer 49:14

One thing with the book, I want to talk about two things, two obstacles at the beginning. So I told you I had a parent course from four years ago, and when I started to write this book with a guy named Rob Elwood, who's worked with me for two years now, I knew two stats. The first stat was it's a little over 50% of people who start a book never finish it, and a big reason is length. This is around 80 pages.

I wanted it to hit hard immediately, and I wanted it to be something where it's not intimidating, and it's not something that they start reading, say, "I don't have time to," and forget about it. Because we could be the best book in the world, but knowing those stats, that obstacle, how could I overcome the obstacle? 50% of people don't finish books. How can I get that number down with this book? Of those who get it, how can I get 90-plus percent to finish it?

So I wanted to do that, and I would be super grateful if you did check it out, 80 pages. So the start shouldn't stop you. And then next, the other big obstacle was this. I looked it up: 97% of people who start writing a book never finish it. This is my first real book. I have smaller books, but they're literally 20 pages, just for athletes. I wanted to make sure that I don't start it and say I'm going to do it, and then I don't, knowing that 97% of people don't do it.

And again, I'm really bringing this up because it's a simple, easy, quick read. Something that I know deep down, players who are listening, players can get a lot out of it. Parents and coaches, I really hope you all can too. And just my perspective of everything I've been through, all the failures, all the obstacles, some successes, and all the greats.

Been fortunate to learn from Brian Johnson, you, Michael, everyone in the Heroic community, the mental coaches I had when I played, and my father, who was that radiant exemplar of a lot of what I talk about in the book, just trying to share my perspective on it, and yeah, that's kind of all I want to share on that.

Michael Balchan 51:19

I love it. It's not much longer than a Philosopher's Note. More wisdom in less time. That was a thought. Yeah.

Brandon Guyer 51:25

Yeah.

Michael Balchan 51:26

Amazing. Let's see if anyone has something they want to do a quick lightning round of coaching on. I do have that last question, but we'll see if we can squeeze one in here. If you've got, if you're a coach, if you've got kids, if you want to increase your own mental performance, we'll give a quick window here. Going once, going twice. Stalled. All right, Brandon, what's one thing we can do for you? What ripples would you like to see spread out in the world?

You already talked about the book, getting the book, but I was inspired by 70% of kids quit before age 13, and that excitement you have to help decrease that percentage of folks who are leaving and increase the number of folks who are seeing the game. But when you think about impact that this community can have to really spread some ripples as individuals, as a collective, what would you love to see us do?

Brandon Guyer 52:40

Cool. I mean, just you fitting this in when I know you're about to leave on vacation and have so much going on. First, you already did a lot. So really, thank you for that. If you want to support the book and spread the word, I would be so incredibly grateful. Again, I don't have it all figured out. I'm not perfect. Hard work and challenge goes with parenting, but from my perspective, I feel like I can share something that I've learned throughout my journey that could truly help sports parents and really parents in general. So, if you guys want to share it, if you want to purchase it, whatever you want to do, I would be so very grateful and appreciative of it, and that's really it. So thank you.

Michael Balchan 53:26

Love it. Can you read us the rest of what's in the dugout, the code, the kids' PIRATES standard?

Brandon Guyer 53:36

Yeah. And I didn't mention it earlier, real quick. I have it up here just in case it came up, but back in 2004, my senior year in high school. So basically, my first three years in high school, I stunk. That's when a coach said, "Brandon, if you don't do anything, your career is over." So I started getting into the mental game in 2004. I read a book called Heads Up Baseball. Dr. Ken Ravizza, literally seven years later, he was a Tampa Bay Rays sports psychologist. I got to meet him in person.

I said, "Ken, you changed the trajectory of my life. Thank you. When I'm done playing, I want to do what you do." So since 2004, I've been obsessed with it. When I read his book and then watched the College World Series that year, this was in the dugout of one of his teams. I think it was Cal State Fullerton, they ended up winning the national championship that year, and he had a little toy toilet.

So basically, what it was is players can go up to it, or they look at it, or it's just that trigger, that reminder for them that you just struck out, you had a bad play, whatever it is, to release it. Don't carry that mental brick because it will weigh you down. Go flush it, release it. So this is always in our dugout. You can see it's a little dirty. It's got a lot going on. Do all players use it all the time?

No, but do a lot of players use it, whether they think of it or not? Some close their eyes while taking a breath and imagine literally what just happened. They learn from it, then they flush it down the toilet. It's gone forever. But that's always in the dugout. And then the PIRATES standard, like I said, I just really want them to focus on that and let everything else just come naturally as a byproduct. So the PIRATES standard, I say, "How we will think, respond, and compete today."

And with all this being said, I know we're talking about how it's not about winning. It is about teaching them to compete because with anything we do in life, if we want to be successful, we have to compete. It's a competition. It's a competition with ourself, our past, and who we want to be in the future. But it's really, how are we going to show up and come through when it matters most? And I believe this will help them.

So PIRATES: P, powerful body language; I, intentional breathing; R, relentless responses; A, all out all the time; T, team over me; E, elite energy; and S, steady attitude. So every day for practice, I lead a mental minute. It's usually like five minutes, but I cover one of these and I do a new framework or a new way to implement one of these. And then for our practice, that's the number one intention for them. But yeah, this is always there. Again, they're 10 years old, 11 years old or eight years old.

My younger son actually just turned seven. Are they always great with this? Of course not. Are we always great with this? Of course not. But what if we can start to create these habits and just these pathways in our brain where like this becomes natural instinct, and this is so top of mind for them. Well, I think good things are going to happen on and off the field. So that's a big focus with everything we do.

Michael Balchan 56:27

Beautiful. Well, appreciate you. Congrats on the new book. Congrats on all the success with Major League Mindset, and you're growing that. Love seeing what you're up to and the impact you're having on kids, on teams, on parents. All over the place. So great work! Grateful to have you. Appreciate your support. Thanks everybody for joining. Happy Tuesday! More soon.

Brandon Guyer 56:50

Day one. Let's go. I got it right here. Day one. Let's go, Michael. Enjoy your trip. Thank you. Keep doing great work. Thank you for having me on. Everyone who's live, thank you. If you're watching the recording, thank you as well, and I wish you all the best on your journey toward finding out how good you can be and helping others do the same, Areté style.

*This transcript was generated using AI speech-to-text and may contain inaccuracies.*