In today’s Heroic Chat, we are joined by Phil Stutz.
Phil graduated from City College in New York, received his MD from New York University, and did his psychiatric training at Metropolitan Hospital. He then worked as a prison psychiatrist on Rikers Island before going into private practice in New York City. He moved to Los Angeles In 1982, where he has been practicing ever since.
Along with his coauthor, Barry Michels, Phil wrote the New York Times bestseller The Tools, and its sequel, Coming Alive. He has also coached Brian for over six years, who considers Phil to be his Ultimate Guide, and was featured in the recent Netflix documentary Stutz.
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We will jump in and talk about why Phil is here and all that. But Father, good to see you.
It's great to see you, beyond great. This whole thing. Happy, go ahead.
Day one, we're going to have fun today. We're going to do our meditation. We're going to connect with Phil and hear what he has to say about the biggest distinctions in his Energy, Work and Love. We're going to hear who his Heroes are, who his guides have been, and a few other awesome things.
But again, I want to start with the intention. As I was preparing for this morning, I realized how important it is to me that we as a community celebrate our guides and celebrate our mentors.
And I promised our team that I'd get emotional within a couple of minutes here because I started getting emotional when I was just preparing and just feeling the impact that Phil has had on my life, which I'll share with you today, and just how important it is for me personally to embody the virtue of humility and for us as a community to embody the virtue of humility and gratitude and to really, really appreciate the people who have worked so hard to inspire us and to empower us and to recognize them, and to celebrate them.
So more than anything, frankly for me, this is an extension of the tribute we were able to give to you a couple months ago, Phil.
And of course, I'm excited to get into some of your legendary wisdom, but I want each of you to think about who has had a deep impact in your life and to not take them for granted, to take them as granted as a gift to you in your Heroic quest, etc.
And again, Phil will be an example for me. Of course, he may be an example for you as well, but I want you to think of others in your life who have deeply impacted you.
So as always, let's begin with a quick 1, 2, 3 minute meditation, and then we will get to work.
We flip the switch, we invite the best version of ourselves to join us, chest up, chin down. Assume whatever posture you assume when you invite your Damon to join, you breathe through your nose down into your belly. Exhale slightly longer than the inhale. Fastest way to flip the calm, confidence, energized, tranquility switch. We are heroic. We are wise, disciplined, loving, courageous, grateful, hopeful, curious, and zesty. We have the humility to recognize the individuals that have helped us become who we are as we strive to get our soul force to 1 0 1 so we can help create a world in which 51% of humanity is flourishing by 2051. Target swipe energy, one minute meditation. Moving on to work. Today, I want to focus on your number one mentor, your guide. Think about the individual who has most impacted your life.
What gifts have they given you? What insights have they helped you make? How have they helped you become a better human being, directly impacting how you give your gifts to the world? We talked about, we talk about connecting to the people we serve, the people with whom we serve. What about the people that have helped us create the ability to serve profoundly feel the presence of that mentor, target, swipe, work, moving to love, knowing there's no difference between our work and our love, and we do it right? Send that mentor of yours, that guide of yours, deep, deep appreciation and love. We cultivate the strength for two in community. Our guides play such an important role in that
Energy work and love target. Swipe target, swipe target, swipe bonus points, send your guide a text of gratitude and appreciation. Now or at the end of our call together today, I'm going to send my number one influence a text right now via this chat. Phil, my Yoda, my spiritual father. I love you. I appreciate you. And I'm going to tell our community a few of the things that you embody that make you for me, just that ultimate guide, not just for me, but for all of the people you've affected. And again, if you don't know who Phil is and you haven't been paying attention. So you've heard us talk about Phil over and over again. He's in the Netflix documentary called Stutz by another one of his clients whose life has been profoundly changed, Jonah Hill. And that movie more than anything is a tribute to Phil and his wisdom and deeply appreciate Jonah for doing that.
For you, Phil, and for us. If you haven't watched the documentary yet, go watch it. I've got a box here, which was the last thing that I packed when I moved from California to Texas. The most prized possession that I have outside of some family pictures is a box that says 'Phil's calls'. It's a paper box. That three reams of paper came in my first 1, 2, 3 years. Filled up that box. I have an entire different box. This is my first three years of notes with Phil. Then Phil and I decided to work together for two sessions a week. That's the next year and a half, two years. And then here's a whole nother year or two of notes. Those notes are probably my most prized, well, they are tied for first my most prized possession. There's more wisdom in that six years of coaching that Phil and I have done together than the thousands of books in my library.
But what I love most about Phil that I think a great guide has, first and foremost, Phil sees my and his clients and our infinite potential. So I've never been in someone's presence before who felt my power, my potential more powerfully than Phil. And as we each show up as the heroes of our lives and strive to be the guides for other people, I think the number one thing that a truly world-class guide can do is to see their mentee, their protege's potential. And what Phil has done for me on that front is extraordinary. We often say in the faces of men and women, we see heroes. Phil sees heroes in me. He sees a hero in Michael, in Jonah, in Joaquin, all these other people that he's worked with. And he can also see the pathway through which that hero can fulfill their potential.
And he's believable. He's helped countless people go from pretty good to great to extraordinarily great to historically great in many instances because he's worked on his craft and he's done the work for 40 plus years to become believable. And that's something else that I deeply admire. And the thing that struck me the most when I was preparing on the top three things, Phil, that I most cherish about us, you see my potential. You see the pathway through which we can fulfill it. But Phil has never once been flustered by anything I've brought to him. And not only that, he maintains that calm confidence and this presence and a deep, deep joy for my problems. So Phil actually likes celebrating good things, but nothing makes Phil more excited than a really good, really big problem. That's when he gets most excited. The turds, as he says in the documentary, are truly what excites Phil the most.
And I think a truly exemplary guide who's earned the gray whiskers, who's been there and done that enough times, nothing moves him. And Phil, I was telling Alexander this morning, not once have I come to you with something where there was a felt sense of, oh shoot, Brian's really in trouble. Now I don't know about this. There wasn't one time in six years, nearly 400 sessions in which I brought you something that you didn't just smile about. The bigger the better. Let's rub our hands together. And to me, that's one of the greatest gifts you see my potential and our potential. You see how we can use tools in order to fulfill it. And nothing fluffers you, period because you've done the work in your own life to know that it's all part of the process, the bigger problem, the better. And I could say more.
I will pause there and I'm going to also bring up my phone real quick here. Aura score. Looking good. Thank you. Aura. 86 90 Cirque sole yesterday with Eleanor. Ate a little bit late, enjoyed that, slept great. But do a search in our app for Stutz, S T U T Z, right? Get the app search stutz and what you will find 69 plus ones mentioned Myta, Phil Stutz from the most recent one on the Netflix documentary with a link. We have 69 dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of ideas that I have picked up over the last six years that Phil has generously told me. Share it, share it, share it. One of his concepts is overflow outflow. You're always giving. You're always giving. You're always giving. You're always outperforming your contract with love, with courage, et cetera. In 54 philosophers notes, starting with the two notes on Phil's, two great books, the tools in Coming Alive that he wrote with Barry Michaels, one of his proteges and longtime students, and now partner, the tools in Coming Alive. But I've mentioned Phil and 52 other notes, check those out. And of course we've got a tool as well, and we've got a ton of other tools, and I talk about it is basic training and whatnot. But check that out if you want a deep dive on Phil's wisdom. And that is the prelude to our chat today. I think I said what I wanted to say there. Again, great to see you, excited to chat with you. Thank you for allowing me to have that long prelude. How are you?
I don't know, but I enjoyed hearing that. I like the idea of progression. What is theory to practice to mastery?
Theory to practice to mastery together? "Good philosophy ends in action" is one of the themes we've talked about for years, huh?
Yeah. I'll tell you what I like about you is I finally found something for life. You don't like doing things in a disorganized way. You like to go from A to B to C and give the person that you're mentoring a model. It's not that some famous philosopher said, all models are wrong, but very often they'll still be useful. And that's what you've done. I've actually watched it over the years. I've watched your ability to structuralize things and then stick to the structure no matter how difficult it was. And that is like a pathway. See, when you can show someone a pathway, even if they're not sure they could follow it, they become more hopeful. So if you want to say it differently, it's a way of fighting the chaos that's inherent in human affairs and bringing it from chaos to some sort of order.
And when you do that and you have created some kind of order, it's almost like a euphoric experiment, a euphoric accomplishment. Now, the weirdest part of me is, and you mentioned it, is I don't just dig into problems. I don't just say, well, I know how to do that because I've done it a hundred times from before. I like the problem. I actually love it. And by extrapolation, and I love the person that I'm helping because they're giving me the opportunity to have this experience they're given me the opportunity to be for is the best way to say it. And Brian, how can I say this? He likes the idea of turning chaos into order now.
And it's not, well, here's what I say. God is an artist and he doesn't care about anything, but creating a real artist real, he's more real than real. So the medium of God's medium, if you will, in terms of creation of his art, let's say the medium for his artwork is a human soul. So I think I have a little bit of that in me also, I don't want to compare myself to God, then I really sound like an asshole, but I have a little bit of that in me. And what I like about Brian is he likes to take everything to the level of emotion and instinct. He likes to take things as deeply into the person as the person will allow him to.
So I no longer remember the question I'm answering soon, but what's new about that? So a different way to say the same thing is the universe is alive, it's constantly alive. And part of aliveness, maybe we can talk about it later, and disciplines, part of aliveness is constant expansion. And it's the same thing with me when I see somebody expand, it's like a big gift I guess would be, so Brian's given me probably the most gift in those terms that I've ever experienced. It helps a lot, that stubborn maniac that underwrites his ability to do this. But I love it all. And thanks. Oh, one more thing on a more personal level. When I was in the sixth grade, or no, it was the fifth grade, I was the president of the class and some parents had, I'm going to get this right, some parents thanked us for what we did.
I forget as a class, we had some project or something. So I was supposed to respond to this gratefulness that this woman, this other teacher was blessing us with. But I didn't know what to do. So thank, I said, thank you for thanking us. And the kids laughed and they said, you can't even say a simple thank you. But I realized actually it was real. I mean, it wasn't elegant, but it was exactly what I felt it was. Thank you for thanking us. So I guess that's what I feel now between you and me and
I, when we sent a text the other day to a friend, I said, you know what? I'm Mr. Rogers in public. You won't ever hear me curse. I may be a bit more of a swashbuckling navy seal in private or when you and I are chatting. So I appreciate you bringing it. Let's go. If you watch stunts, you know that one of Phil's charming attributes is his irreverence and his authenticity, et cetera. So love you, bless you. And already so much there we can talk about in terms of good philosophy ends in action, the structure, the discipline, the artwork that is the human soul and the project that we have to activate that. And I want to step back before we get back into practical kind of wisdom and just, I'd love to hear you tell us who your heroes are. Who are your heroes when you think about that?
The biggest by far, by far, by far the biggest is Ru Steiner. If you don't know who he is, he's been dead for a hundred years. But anyway, he was in the year about 1900. He was a philosopher. He was a famous philosopher in Europe. In 1900, he gave up philosophy and he entered into a study of the occult of the mysterious world, of the spiritual world. But what he did was so fantastic. And it relates to what I was saying about you, Brian. He called it scientific spirituality. He might say, well, that's bullshit. How could those two things, they're opposites. But he was meticulous. And basically what he said was, do not believe a word I say to you, but please do what I tell you to do and then judge for yourself whether it's helpful or not, whether it's real or not. Anyway, it goes on forever. The other great thing I got from him is I got an overview of world's history of comparative religion. I even got an overview of science, at least at that time, which is around 1900. So a way look at, by giving me a way to see that everything was connected, it gave me a level of, or he gave me a level of confidence that was just, it was unshakeable because everything meant something. And he insisted on seeing the world that way. I think you mentioned at the beginning of this, whatever you call it, can you remember what you said about this?
About which part?
At the beginning you said something about a meaningful universe and that your job is to both support and accept that meaningful universe on the one hand and on the other hand, help other people have the same access that you have. It has nothing to do with me, by the way. It has to do with you and it has to do with you and where you were willing to go. But usually if someone's willing to go pretty far, I can keep up with them. I'll say that much for myself. Either I keep up with them or I'm spewing a lot of lies and bullshit. Either way. I mean, I'm in Hollywood, so that's considered progress as well. What was the question?
Perfect, we got it. Who is your hero? Rudolph Steiner. So in the chat and in the follow-on notes, let's have the philosopher's note in which we talk about Steiner. I mean, if he doesn't come up in every one of our chats, it's every other one. So that's a beautiful thing to hear your tribute to him. And I was going to follow that up with something, and I just lost my train of thought, getting excited about that, but we'll leave it at that. Let's drill in. So let's drill into energy working off, and let's talk about, oh, actually what I was going to say is this, another thing that you do as, and I didn't say it explicitly, but the most impactful person in my life, full stop. I mean, your d n A is all over mine, all over our heroic culture, et cetera. But one of the things that you've done that I've told our coaches that a good coach, a good guy, a good mentor does is when you and I align and I get clarity with you on something I may be thinking about intuitively, I don't think about it again.
It's just I have so trust myself and you that when we are clear on something, it's done. And then I take this aggressive action on that thing. And that's a gift. And that's a gift because again, you're believable. So heroes listening here, of which I include myself aspiring to be worthy guides. We've got to do the work and go through the reps and craft ourselves and our practice such that we are believable. But then that gift that you've given me is what's allowed me to accelerate my evolution where I just don't need to think about certain things again. And there's an incalculable benefit to that for me from you that I'm excited to give to our community. And I think I know I've been told, I've done that at times as well. And that's another thing that arose for me. As you were describing what Steiner did for you of, he just gave you clarity on No, no, no, no, no. This affected everything I knew it was all connected. And the smallest things are the biggest, et cetera, goosebumps. That is, I cannot even put into words adequately how powerful that's been for me. So again, just another both thank you. And also invitation to those watching and listening to do the hard work so you can be that guide for other people in your life. Again, so much we can talk about there. Anything you want to comment on that?
Yeah, I have certain people who, I can't identify them because they're kind of public figures, but they, what's that way to say this? They automatically, it was everything that as a culture, whatever you call it, that they're being asked to do it or that they ask themselves to do immediately changes everybody around them. And the reason I'm bringing this up is I had a guy that was started out as basically an alcoholic, not very well educated and kind of self-absorbed, like narcissistic. And I watched him, but for some reason he wanted to read about Rudolph Star. I have no idea why. So I gave him some books to read about it and he got hooked on it.
And this guy was not a scholar and he wasn't a part of his social network, anything like that. But he became addicted to it. And just by reading about it, just by reading about it, it actually changed. Now, the real sequence of events obviously is predicated on the idea that I say this. There's no such thing anymore as philosophy without action. That's the new world. And Ru Sterner had discussed this a hundred years ago, and basically their reaction to a hundred years ago was you, it was a scientific in quotes era. Now people don't know what the hell's going on, which is an advancement actually.
So anyway, I could go on forever with him. I'll tell you one more strange thing. If there's a problem or a way that to understand something where I can pull something out of a hat, it's coming right from him, I could feel it because I always feel the right passage in his writing, the right action when he's in a coaching relationship with me. And it was just like what you say, once it's digested, I never think about it again. It becomes part of the living truth. So I'm kind of thrilled that I was able to help you reach the, and by the way, if you look at the current culture, whatever word you want to call it, it's badly lacking this badly lacking. It is a culture without faith. And what you've developed is a system of forward motion and action that actually feeds backwards and gives you faith. So what you've created is something that doesn't, it's not a philosophy or speculation, it's the actual experience of faith. And he breaks it down pretty specifically as do you actually. So for me, I'm very grateful to you for a very simple reason. You gave me a chance to act, to function as what my instincts tell me I want to function. That's why the whole thing's so euphoric to me. It's almost too good to be true anyway, that's all because I know when I have to stop, when I'm forgetting all investors of the original,
Which is always perfect timing. I love the pure expression of what is alive for you as we discussed many times in our work together. I love it. And you, and to highlight one other really important theme that has its origin completely in my work with Phil, which is what I've come to call anti-fragile confidence, which in its inception was Phil's emotional stamina. And it was one of our first three chats where Phil said something along the lines of, you've got amazing emotional stamina. Write a minute before we ended our call. I'm writing it down. I got to ask him next time what that means next time. What does emotional stamina mean? And he tells me, well, look, emotional stamina is the ability to tolerate whatever stress you're under. I'm paraphrasing. And you got to know that the worse you feel, the more committed you need to be to your protocol.
And in terms of life-changing moments, and literally this was a ten second part of one of our early sessions. It just clicked for me. Everything clicked. And you all, if you follow my work, goosebumps have known how many times I've repeated that and how I've tried to clarify it and clarify it and operationalize that. The worse you feel, the more committed you are to your protocol. There's no more powerful ticket to invincibility than that. And I mean that literally invincibility, if you feel terrible and life is overwhelming you and challenging you and you feel unbelievably threatened. And yet in that moment, and again in that moment, you can practice your philosophy. No good philosophy is anything that doesn't end in action or stated positively, good philosophy must end in action. The worse you feel, the more committed you are. Nothing changed my life more than that to make the implicit explicit like that.
And I have hammered that home so much with our community and receive so much feedback that that's just life-changing. So again, it's exciting to see your lineage. And I got a plus one coming up on my spiritual family tree in which you were in the father position. And then I've got Joseph Campbell who's back there right next to you in the grandfather position that I got Abraham Maslow and my great-grandfather position. I got a crazy Uncle Nietzsche. I got everybody kind dancing around all the way back to the old school Epictetus. But to see your lineage back up to Steiner and then back down to me and through our community is really inspiring. So with that, let's transition to the energy work and love our big three. And I'd like to frame it a little differently than I think I might in other conversations where I'll probably ask the other individuals what they do personally, energy work and love, which I may ask you as well. But I want to ask you, what's the number one thing you teach your clients in their energy work and love? And we'll start with energy, and I'll frame that just a little bit more because one of the things you talk about in our work and in the documentary is you often start with life force, which I would call energy. So you start with helping people get their life force, their energy dialed in. Can you tell us about how you think about that and how you think we should be thinking about that?
Yeah. The thing is, a new patient will come into my office and he'll say, my habits are I sleep till 11 o'clock. I'm 22 pounds overweight, and I'm kind of demoralized. Shocker, that's a shocker. So the guy comes in and he'll say to me, I know if I had something that was meaningful to me, I wouldn't be like this. It's just an excuse. But I have to answer that because in some ways it seems logical. If nothing means anything, how am I going to motivate myself? So I tell it. I do not try to figure out the answer to that question. You cannot find out who you are, what's important to you, where you should be going, where you need to be going by thinking you can't do it. Thinking is too stupid and too linear and too rigid. So well then how do you get that information?
And the answer is you get it from your own force. Now we'll talk about how you do that in a minute. So you say, well, isn't that semantic? You're just saying something in different terms, but it's not true. You have to literally give yourself over to your life force now and to make sure people do this. It is a very simple protocol. All it is is a pyramid divided into three levels. The bottom level of the pyramid is your relationship to your body. And obviously you've preached that and taught it and everything since I know you actually. But anyway, for those who somehow haven't picked this up or heard about it, it means just what it sounds like. It means eating, it means regulation of sleep, which you do probably more of that than anybody I've seen.
And the negative stuff has to be cut off. Drugs, alcohol, there's a whole lot to it. But the point is that's the baseline. And people don't like that because it's not specific. It's like one size fits all, but there it is. You can't skip over that step. Why can't you skip over that hurdle, let's say? And the answer is, you cannot replace your physical body and your relation to with anything else. So anyway, that's the first level of this, your relationship to your body. The second step, or not the second segment let's say, is your relationship with other people. Now, this one is even harder for people to accept because they say, well, I hang out with people I like. I don't go out that much anymore. Maybe I'm a little bit isolated or my friends have disappointed me. It doesn't matter what they say.
It doesn't matter. You must, and usually the person's coming to me and they're depressed and other than taking care of their body and starting to exercise daily is this relationship to other people. The relationship to other people is not just psychologically soundness or a healthy way to live. I mean, it is all those things. It's much deeper than that. You literally cannot exist. You literally cannot find yourself. You literally will never find meaning in life without other people. That's just the way blows on that. And again, you could talk for years about that, but that's the second tier of this, your relationship with other people. The top tier is your relationship to yourself. And that can include stuff having to do with the unconscious dreaming or dream work. Writing itself, interestingly enough, helps a lot with your relationship to yourself. People tell me, well, I'm writing this stuff, but I have no idea what it means or what its significance is.
I feel like I'm wasting my time, but you're not because the best way to say it is if you think of writing as a mirror, and it's a mirror that reveals to you, there's a Greek myth about this Skype, Percy, you can look it up. But anyway, writing allows you to see inside your own self in a way that nothing else can. But there's more to it than that. The relationship to yourself also has to do with studying, learning, any kind of expansion in that regard. Working with your shadow is yet another example of this. Anyway, so the point of this whole pyramid thing, which to me operationally defines the life force, the key of it is you have a higher intelligence inside you, but it emerges. And who's a very good example of this is Brian, you kind of have what I have. But being a maniac, you have at times 10 or whatever, by his nature, he, he's not particularly interested in intellectual solutions, I should say. You can see it in Brian. He has this instinct for the life force. He has obviously a ridiculously high life force. And besides the fact that it's just, you feel better, the life force wants to drive itself into the unknown. Driving, driving, driving into the unknown, not knowing where it's going. This is not about knowing, it's about vision. And you mentioned about vision before. What did you say? Do you remember?
I don't remember on the vision part.
I don't remember on the vision part, but everything you just said there obviously is so resonant and so powerful, and I appreciate the kind words. And to reflect back briefly the so we're talking energy work and love energy, Phil, if he's not the best in the world at what he does, he's tied for the best in world at what he does. Where does he start? Life force, where do we start energy, eating, moving, sleeping, breathing, focusing our attention? This is how we get our energy to high level. So this is how we activate our life force. And why do we do that? Well, I do it so I can connect to that best version of myself that I have up there staring at me that I'm trying to channel. As Phil said, we have a higher intelligence. And you can say, can I get motivated once I figure out what I want to do with my life?
My answer is the same as Phil's, which is no, no, no. Control the controllables. Get your eating, you're moving, your sleeping, your breathing, your focusing dialed in such that you can flip the switch. It will such that that best, most heroic version of yourself becomes who you are on a daily basis. With that energy dialed in, you can focus it on what's important now in your work and in your love. And if your energy is not where it needs to be, you simply will not be able to show up as your best self period, which is why I say if because of poor lifestyle choices, you can't get out of bed in the morning with energy. And we have individuals that are paralyzed that literally can't get out of bed, okay, within the constraints of their reality, are they eating, moving, sleeping, breathing, et cetera to the best of their ability?
But if you can get out of bed and can't get out of bed because of poor lifestyle choices, that's the number one thing to work on if you want to activate your soul force, which is why energy is what drives the whole show. And Phil, I love that you start with that. Again, we call it the daon. Think of it as the light bulb, Desmond Tutu. Hey, we're just these little light bulbs that allow the divine energy to come through, but you better screw yourself in to that divine force. And you do that through the mundane things. And Phil talks about this a lot too. The big things come through, the smallest things, microtransactions, he calls it every single little thing matters because you're either connecting to something bigger than yourself or disconnecting yourself, et cetera. And I love the body, the people, and then the self.
But again, you're not going to be able to interact with your wife or with your kids in a powerful way. And I can say this as an expert in it, if you didn't get a good night of sleep and you're not eating well and you're not moving your body, who wants to be around you? Nobody. And who do you want to be around? Nobody. So control your controllables, dominate those fundamentals, and let's go. And I drew a pyramid. Phil, before you describe your pyramid, I always draw Abraham Maslow, who's right next to you on my wall. And I didn't say it, but that's Phil of course, on my wall, if anyone wondered who that is, he's underneath Epictetus. And when I meditate every morning, I get Aristotle and Maslow and then Epictetus and Phil Aristotle tells me, you ammonia via ate. Maslow tells me what one can be.
One must be Epictetus, who is as intense as me. And Phil does say to me, practice your philosophy. Phil tells me a ton of things, but lately he's been telling me good philosophy ends in action, which is just a kick for me to get done when I need to get done. Anyway, beautiful. We've got energy covered. Let's talk about work. So you work with some of the most elite performers in the world, obviously a lot of actors, a lot of directors, but also a lot of top, top professionals, bankers, other performers, people we haven't heard of who are showing up at their highest levels, many of whom were at a very high level before they came to you and went even higher and locked it in after. But what's your number one thing you teach people that you think has the biggest impact that you think we'd benefit from hearing about in the work domain, the creative domain, et cetera?
Probably the most influential thing is when there's something they either don't think they can do or they think maybe they can do it, but there's no confidence. It takes somebody through that where they realize they can do what heretofore was impossible is it's almost the greatest accomplishment that a human being or the greatest experience, probably more so. And y is it such a great experience because Part X, the enemy makes itself known as, I call it the avatar of impossibility. You think, well, the goal is to get another academy Award or something. It's not the goal. In almost all of them, even the ones that I don't particularly like, they're stretching the boundaries of the world that they live in their assumptions about it, and most of them do it. They have no choice is probably the right way to say it. It just comes naturally to them. Even guys who on the surface you think, what a prick, what a self-centered, even them, once they catch onto something that represents forward motion and expansion with anything else, they can't help themselves but to go for it is that absolute?
It's so, no, this is good. So I asked you what the most transformative thing is you teach your clients and would want to teach us on work. And what she said was, the other thing that Phil says to me on my meditation is conquer the impossible. Just barks at me. Conquer the impossible. Conquer the impossible. Do that what you are truly capable of doing. That leads us back to the kind of prelude here. When I celebrated the things about you that I admire the most and appreciate the most in the faces of men and women, you see heroes, you see infinite potential actualized, and you know that your infinite potential exists on the other side of your comfort zone, which is why you love the turds and the discomfort and the challenges of life so much is because those are the catalyst for us to do the impossible.
And that faith that you talked about that you have in me and that you have in humanity and you have in each of your clients is again, one of the most sacred gifts that I am so fiercely committed to practicing your and our philosophy at the highest possible levels as a demonstration of that which is possible in my own idiosyncratic way, and then saying, if I can do it, you can do it. What is it you're here to do? But asterisk? You're going to need to work hard and you're going to need to love the pain, the uncertainty, the hard work, and quit complaining about it and quit not knowing what you'd say. When I asked that question, I had written down, let's make sure we talk about the people that work hard for a day or two or three. Then they want to pack their bags and take a vacation and be exonerated from any further future hard work.
And I literally said in a plus one last week that you laugh out loud at those people and all of us who have those tendencies at times to think that we're going to get to a point where we don't need to work harder. So if you want to conquer the impossible, every single moment of our lives is the moment to live with ate such that we can be heroic. And frankly, you've given me the permission to be me. And even with my intensity and my aggression and my desire to show up, and even this daily thing that I'm doing, it's Phil. So Phil and I had the chat and it was one of the rare times when you and I had coherence, and I didn't immediately do it because I knew this was a big deal and Michael and I needed to go through some reps to get clarity that no, we're going to do this.
But that impossibility on a mundane level of me showing up every day and on a bigger level of trying to do the things we're doing to make a difference in the world is huge. And before we go to love, I want to make the point too, that if we're going to change the world, which the reality is if we're going to change the world and create a world in which 51% of humanity is flourishing by 2051, we playfully the good guys and gals need to have the same virtuous ambition that the individuals who might be leading with viciousness, who are unapologetic in their ambition, are hitting their targets on the vicious side of things. So if we're going to step up and make a difference, we need to have the same vision, the same ambition connected to something bigger than ourselves, and then the same willingness to do the hard work, to conquer the impossible, dealing with part X to bring it out of the abstract, dealing with part X moment to moment to moment.
And Phil's whole work is the tools. So when your anxiety, your overwhelm, your depression, your shame, whatever it is, crops up, that's the cue, the trigger, the prompt to work, the protocol, to practice your philosophy, to use one of Phil's dozen tools he shared in the two books and the dozens of tools that we've shared via the plus ones. There's no other moment, but right then. And that's why the bad things, the turds are so powerful if you use them as triggers to practice your philosophy. That's the fastest way to get great, is to embrace the uncertainty and the pain and then to do the hard work. So again, to operationalize this, and we'll come back to, was there anything you want to comment on that before we move on? Father,
I can't remember.
I said a lot getting me fired up. Let's go.
Can you give me a hint?
No, we'll move on to love. So energy, get your life force up, work, conquer the impossible love. When you work with your clients, what have you found to be the most transformative thing that you share with them? Practical wisdom that you share with them regarding love, relationships, connection.
Number one, love requires submission. People don't like it. The wants to do everything by itself. And love is a threat to the ego because it says you can't do all this yourself. And why does it say that? It's because the love and asking for or needing help go together. If, I don't know how many people here know that picture, but there's a picture of a lattice work. It is just lines going horizontally and then some going vertical, but it makes up like this screen or matrix or something like that. And it's held together. And my famous turds are interwoven. Every time there's a intersection, people are crazy over there. Anyway. So what are those turds in this context where you're trying to almost in a way reconstruct the universe? And the answer is the turds are need. So love means nothing if it comes into context in which you don't need it.
And there are certain feelings, both feelings of inspiration and also feeling of, how can I say this? Feelings that connects you to the entire human race. That if you don't have at least some of this, you are not in love. And it is a very counterintuitive philosophy, but that's what I've actually found. And I encourage, oh, and the other thing is usually it is just emotional, but sometimes you have to give away material items. But the reason giving things away, and we call that outflow, but mostly it's giving away attention, validation, attention. These are all things that in a sense put you in, especially for men. They think it is putting themselves in a weakened position. They've lost their independence. But it's very much the opposite of that, which is the more you give away, the more you get. And people say, well, that's a California bullshit thing.
What are you talking? But it's not, this is what's called spiritual physics. And what it means is the universe itself is expanding. There's a famous line in Woody Allen, Woody, he comes home from school, he is freaked out. He says his mother, how can you stand there and just wash the dishes when the earth is expanding? He goes, but even though it was a joke, it's not actually that much of a joke. So if the universe is constantly expanding, the only way you can keep up with it, the only way you can stay aligned with it is by giving yourself, that's called outflow. So outflow connects you to the most powerful force in the whole universe, the force that actually created the universe. But you can't cheat this thing. You have to do it wholeheartedly and as often as you can. And what I say to people is, that's your new religion, which means exercising the faith to give away as much as you can or not to, hold on. So you want to say, so that's what I'd tell him.